Tori Spelling: no match for mother

August 9, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 9, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
I know the feeling. My mother shows no mercy at mahjong. During one particular family friendly she fleeced me for a hundred bucks and made me pay for dinner afterwards. She called it "training"…I call it torture, something 32 years with Ah Chicken has not tempered. Needless to say, Tori"s c-bomb playbook is no match for Candy"s. And while I"ve never said Momma Spelling was a parental gem, I am greatly enjoying the fact that Tori"s karmic slap in the face is coming courtesy of the home front. Nothing stings like parental punishment, trust me, I know. And in this case, Tori is getting the spanking of a legendary lifetime. So you"ve heard the latest, right? Tori brokers her own deal with ABC for an Aaron Spelling tribute - how ironic that she"s choosing to honour her father when she couldn"t be bothered to see him during his FIVE DAYS of survival after the stroke - a special for which she was to serve as host and executive producer…in other words, A PAYING GIG. In order to move the project forward, the network needed clips from all the Spelling hit shows, owned of course by Candy Spelling who decided to bitchblock her daughter"s entrepreneurial efforts by kiboshing the request, thereby killing the entire effort. As my mother would say - lo money for monkey! Translation: no money for monkeys - or manky twats who don"t practise filial piety. Remember what I told you the other day about old Hollywood insiders banding together to blackball the ungrateful spawn? Needless to say, no one wants to f&ck with Candy Spelling. ABC will not comment on the situation and NBC - the network airing the Emmys later this month - has been tightlipped about their own plans for honouring Spelling during the telecast. Meanwhile, Tori apparently lost her sh*t over the smackdown at a bbq she hosted over the weekend, loudly complaining about her "bitch" of a mother with more than a few cuss words to accessorise the affectionate term of motherly endearment. Of course she denies it, of course she does. Because at this point, she should know her game is kindergarten next to her mother"s. Can you say FEROCIOUS?? Anyway, here"s Tori at a charitable dog event over the weekend showing signs of her new poverty-line existence. What is UP with the budget crimp hair style??? And is she too poor to have her roots done? Scarier yet - I actually see some normal sized hips on the broad, a sure sign she"s been banished from Beverly Hills for good. After all - NO ONE dare to eat AND neglect the surgeon if they"re truly part of the Rich Girl"s Club…savvy? I do love the quote she gave to Entertainment Tonight though: "You get through it with dignity and you know what your truth is, and that"s what"s important. I"m a humble person though. So it"s hard for me to change even in something like this." Hmm…did I miss something? Is homewrecking the new dignified? Is deserting your father on his deathbed the new dignified? Is publicly trashing your new husband"s jilted ex wife and using your youth to gloat and attack her mature womb the new definition of humble? Please. Save it for someone who believes you. And finally, have a look at the unfortunate Kfed Jr, assuming his usual doting husband position by her side. Now is that a smile or a grimace? Uh oh. It"s happening, isn"t it? Without all that money behind her face, Tori"s Fugly must be getting much harder to digest, non? And to think he has to perform his duties convincingly night after night? Without a huge nest egg to pad the mattress? Karma calamity everywhere…….
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