Tori Spelling and the new Federline
JJB. I"d like to start by complimenting Tori Spelling. For a girl who looks like someone stepped on her face, I think she"s made the most of her deficiencies. There is a glass ceiling for de-uglification, you know. And no matter how hard certain people try, the Goddess only lets them get so far. Especially when you"re richer than ass. From this perspective, I think Tori"s done alright. She doesn"t make me want to puke, she hasn"t gone overboard with the surgery, and I almost like it when she smiles. Very good progress for someone who could have very easily gone the way of her peers, like Fergie and Donatella - the reigning bitches of Ugly. But this is not about Tori. This is about Dean. And Dean has succeeded where we thought no man could go. Because Dean McDermott has taken golddigging to a whole new level of devilish depth, way, way, way past Federline. This is a man truly committed to the bank account, willing to do what it takes to secure the prize. I admire that in a lowlife. I mean, if you"re going to marry for money, you might as well do away with all traces of pride and dignity. Which it what Dean has accomplished in spades. On one wrist - a tattoo that reads "Truly Madly Deeply Tori". Pretty impressive sh*t, right? But that"s not all. On the other arm is a very flattering drawing of Tori"s top half, complete with heaving cleave and a very fancy bra. Extraordinary, non? I mean, the current Tori might be a 100% improvement on Donna Martin but I think we can all agree that hers is not a face you would permanently etch prominently on the side of your body. It takes some deep, pure greed to pull this one off, my friends. And I think in this regard, the Dirty Deano might have a slight edge over the KFed.