Tori Spelling out for blood
June 19, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 19, 2006 12:00:00
Damn. She’s ugly, she’s amoral, and she’s vicious too. Tori brought it to Toronto this weekend and she’s turning out to be quite the c-bomb to be reckoned with. Poor Mary Jo Eustace. She really didn’t stand a chance. As usual, Tori arrived with KFed Jr in tow, happily preening and licking for your viewing pleasure. Funny thing is, almost everyone I’ve talked to says she’s definitely unattractive and definitely surgerised but not as repulsive as you would expect. In the words of an eyewitness: “I psyched for some funky f&cked up sh*t, like vomit bag and everything, when you work yourself to something, what’s in your mind is always worse, that’s what happened with Tori. I was kind of disappointed.” Sorry gossips…but I had to laugh. Because that is the most beautiful backhanded compliment I have ever heard. Can you imagine being so mangled that others have to mentally prepare for the atrocity that is your face, only to end up medium-rare ugly and letting people down in the process? That, apparently, is what Tori Spelling is like in the flesh. Having said that, I also feel obliged to tell you that by all accounts, Dean seemed “genuinely” in love with her. Very attentive, openly desirous, what you see in the photos is exactly what happens in real time. Gossips, I’m telling you… that man is my hero and Britney got shafted. But on with the drama. Mary Jo Eustace, Dean’s ex-wife, the woman he stranded as soon as he met Spelling, the one who is now writing a book about her ordeal, also showed up last night and everyone in Toronto is buzzing that as soon as Tori found out, she supposedly arranged to have Mary Jo removed, claiming to producers that she had secured a restraining order against her predecessor as a result of security concerns. Although Tori denies this, she did go on camera at one point and publicly trashed the jilted ex, saying something to the effect of “I love Canadians but I don’t love Canadians who write tell all books”. Bitch might be ugly but she’s got balls, non? A husband stealer with an attitude - Is there a more worthless combination? Can you think of a better candidate for the Hong Kong Homewrecker Hunt, especially since she’s in Toronto where my mother happens to reside? Tori Spelling is a Level 10 Hussy, y’all. A Hussy of the Highest Order. Only my mother and her merry band of mahjong hens could properly tear this tramp a new asshole. Only if only, gossips. Only if only.