Paris Ebola infects Canada

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2006 12:00:00 June 23, 2006 12:00:00
I know it’s a non-story everywhere else. But here, in Canada, Paris’s recent fling with hockey player Jose Theodore on Sunday night continues to inspire obsessive discussion. And I think I’ve now heard from everyone in Montreal eager to put their 2 cents into the situation. Still…you don’t have to be born Maple Leaf to appreciate the smutty juicy appeal of this drama. I promise. Let’s recap, shall we? Jose is hockey player. He played for the Montreal Canadians, a French Canadian goaltender for the sports most storied team. I’m telling you, it doesn’t get any better than that in Canada. Four years ago, he was the toast of the town. Two major awards, everyone loved him, goodlooking, talented, Jose had it all. Then came a family scandal. Allegations involving the Hells Angels, subsequently cleared up, but the beginning of the end of the golden period. Still, as we all know when it comes to athletes, if you’re playing well, it really doesn’t matter what you do in your personal life short of rape and murder – and even then your chances are pretty good. The problem with Jose however is that he started to suck. And he still sucks. Which is why he was practically chased out of Montreal and recently traded to the Colorado Avalanche (sorry Denver…had to be said). Through it all there was Stephanie, his girl for the last several years who has her own titillating past. Comes from a prominent family - sister is a major local Montreal personality, father was a well regarded television producer before he was sent to PRISON for child molestation. Cue dramatic pause. Jose and Stephanie had troubles getting pregnant and when she did get pregnant she apparently had a rough pregnancy, made even more worrisome when she delivered 2 months premature earlier this year. They were apparently in Toronto last weekend to pick up the baby and then along came Paris. The photos came out, the sh*t hit the fan, Stephanie has reportedly left his sorry ass, and now the entire country hates him even more. As for Paris and all your messages vilifying her dirty cooch – hey, go ahead. I’m not going to argue with you on that one. I would however argue against putting the blame solely at her feet, or even at her feet at all. And while it kills me to have to defend the skank ho, I’m told she simply didn’t know about the woman and the child. How would she? Why would she? Let’s put this in perspective. For a girl who can’t even remember the name of her own video game, do you really expect her to know who the hell Jose Theodore is? Some of my girlfriends, all Canadian, don’t even know who he is! Besides, if you judge it by the ever reliable “body language” assessment in these VERY RARE photos from that night courtesy of my girl RC, you’ll note that it’s Jose who’s the aggressor here and not the other way around. Bottom line? Jose Theodore deserves Tori Spelling. And if she wasn’t so ugly, I’m sure he’d have her.

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