Tranny in Person

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 8, 2007 00:00:00 May 8, 2007 00:00:00

My first time with Jessica Simpson – it was the highlight of the night. She arrived second to last, just ahead of Lindsay Lohan. But first… what the f&ck is Cavalli thinking? He designs for Victoria Beckham, if I were her I’d cut that sh-t off. After all, why associate with the man responsible for this???

For this atrocity???

Is there any other word???

But still… I can’t complain. Because we could not get enough. Every second it got worse, as she came closer, I wish I could give you the microchip inside my head, to be replayed in your own head because I’m telling you… all you can do is stand there with your mouth open – never, ever have I seen something so fascinatingly grotesque, by almost freakshow standards, it has to rank now in my top 3 … smutty moment to remember.

Have a look look. Half of it is self explanatory. For those of you late to the party – please…please don’t tell me there’s no tranny here. Please. Don’t. Don’t play Lohan Denial. And don’t underestimate the size of her mouth. Her mouth is farking huge. And I think her teeth too, so that her lips have to strain to get over them. It’s the craziest thing, seeing her smile from scratch, as if you her mouth is a machine – a contraption that needs cranking to get open…freaked me out.

Then of course those tits. I will say this – her tits are spectacular. And real. And massive. So massive that, in a moment of true low classy, while flashbulbs were going off, she actually took an index finger and poked the right one. Try it yourself, just to picture it. Lift up your index finger. Point it at your tit. Poke your tit with your finger…now imagine a hundred, maybe more, photographers and journalists watching – THAT is Jessica Simpson.

But the skin. Holy mother of burnt skin… MORE orange than Donatella. And her back – Lara called it Bad Back Trailer Tan: redneck falling asleep on the sunbed, can you picture it? And that’s not all with respect to the back. Look at this bitch…look at those shoulders, you telling me she couldn’t play on an offensive line?

As for the expression on her face – without prejudice, I am telling you, this girl is a f&cking dolt. A tool. Dumb, dumb, dumb. So dumb she can barely walk. She kinda bunny hop skips, like a f&cking moron. Like she’s forgotten whether or not she wanted to walk or run and she has to start the process over every time. And in between poses it’s like – huh? Wuh? Uh huh? Followed by more bunny skips and more posing and more sticking her chest out.

Which is why I say what I say – that she is good for one thing, one position, perennially postrate … period. It’s not mean, gossips…it’s just the only thing she wants out of life. And the only thing he wants out of her.

As you can see, John Mayer joined her inside, leading it by the hand, telling it where to sit down. Call me Cruise but he actually looks kinda hot with his hair cut. Wasted Hotness, Wasted Talent…all on a tranny called Jessica.

source


Previous Article Next Article