Battle of the Chav

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 27, 2007 12:00:00 March 27, 2007 12:00:00

North America is bracing for Chav War… love, love, love.

In one corner: Victoria Beckham. No introduction required, though she’s mildly turned it down of late, getting rid of those press on nails and that tacky ass weave, the concrete tits remain firmly in tact, as do the c*cklips and the overtan, and so the Chav beats fiercely underneath the Armani…forever.

In the other corner: Jordan aka Katie Price, Victoria’s bitter enemy, who needs no further description – take a look at the photos…now THIS is the high priestess of Chav.

And both bitches are headed right for America, headlining their own reality shows, taking their rivalry stateside in what should be the most deliciously smutty battle, like, ever.

Background behind the bad blood? Besides the obvious?

At one point, Posh badmouthed Jordan, Jordan bashed back, calling her a hypocrite for not admitting to getting her tits done (grudgingly agree) and sticking it in deeper by saying that Posh only hires ugly helpers to prevent David from poppin’ a c*ckstand for the nanny. Hee.

Now E! has optioned the Jordan reality series to begin in April – 3 installments which have already aired in the UK featuring Jordan and her equally pathetic husband Peter Andre. Check out his Carb Face – so alarming, it’s like expanding wax.

And, as you already know, Victoria has signed on for her very own show to be broadcast on NBC starting in a couple of months.

Posh vs Jordan…who wins the ratings battle?

I predict Jordan.

Because Victoria is boring. Because word is she’s so boring they had to hire a “plant” employee to stir up drama. And because there will be a Trainwreck fascination to watching Jordan and Peter. The same people who tuned into Jerry Springer will inevitably be drawn to another blonde caricature with a troubled past using and abusing her own body for fame and notoriety with a disadvantaged son who suffers in her shadow. Sound familiar?

So unless Posh drops the vanity and agrees to get dirty… Jordan wins on tv. And Mrs Beckham will lose her sh-t.

Can’t. Wait.

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