Faux Audrey Hepburn & the Gay Midget Dwarf

February 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at February 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
It’s a terrible thing…watching a man pass his prime but hang on for dear life. I’ll concede – one upon a time, Tom Cruise was a goodlooking man. Back when celluloid could make up 5 inches, back when a fighter plane could somehow mask the homo, and the ubiquitous jaw clench could pass for great acting - back in the day, the GMD was undeniably attractive. If you can’t remember that far, have a look at my favourite photo of Tom and Nicole. Admit it – they were gorgeous. But age has not been kind. And the unkindness of age has been ironically further illuminated by the stunning but lobotomized creature he chose to capture. Because as Katie grows into her physical prime, Tom is heading in the opposite direction. And instead of enhancing him, she only overwhelms him, in stature and in aesthetic, and the side by side discrepancy is almost heartbreaking. Heartbreaking if not for the heavy dose of Rossum. The Rossum is just too much. Tom and Katie on Saturday night at the Marc Anthony/Jennifer Lopez performance - the glassy-eyed stare, the requisite “love look”, the handholding, the faux honeymoon glow, all present and accounted for and a new element of pathetic to add to the resumé: channeling Audrey Hepburn, clearly the work of Victoria Beckham who has apparently become Katie’s full time stylist. As you know, Victoria’s style icon is Ms Hepburn. But Victoria (bless her, love her) is also astute enough to know that, by virtue of her concrete tits (not to mention her decidedly UNdelicate features) hoping for Hepburn herself is an impossible dream. Her pupil, on the other hand, has all the gifts. So here’s Katie Holmes, headband and sweetness, modernized with a killer leather jacket, sacrilegiously making her bid for Audrey’s coveted crown. Bride of the Gay Midget Dwarf is the new Audrey Hepburn??? Bitch…please. But on a lighter note – have a look at Tom enjoying Jennifer Lopez. Have you met a ‘mo who doesn’t go loco for JLo? Not me. My Mo’s + JLo = Gay Stampede. Which is Tom is standing there enraptured, nostrils flaring, barely able to contain his feather boa. Do you love it, or do you LOVE it? Source and Source
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