A Posh Bargain

May 1, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at May 1, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So UK gossips are once again buzzing that Victoria Beckham has agreed in principle to start studying Scientology, after seeing her friendship with Katie cool off as a result of her refusal to go with Xenu. This in contrast to Us Weekly, reporting in its last issue that Victoria was so annoyed by Tom Cruise’s incessant proselytising that she snapped at him and told him to shut it off.

However, given that the Beckham move to America is imminent and now that Posh has finally found her home, British rags insist that she is desperate for companionship, and has traded religion for business, relenting on her stance against the church in exchange for an exclusive GMD+RoboBride appearance on her reality tv show, much to David’s dismay who is less inclined to start writing multi-million dollar cheques to the Church.

But here’s the thing – can you really see Posh writing multi-million dollar cheques to the Church? Can you see her pledging as much as 30% of her shopping budget to free her Thetan?


Bitch is cheap. And she’s also not stupid. And she would definitely make empty promises to guarantee the success of her show, just until she finds some new friends. Until she settles in to LA and schemes her way into Angelina Jolie’s house by promising to adopt a third world child when she can’t conceive the 4th Beckham, until then she will keep dangling her scientological acceptance in front of the GMD’s recruitment team only to snatch it away as soon as she’s finished with them.

And will there be alien retribution? Of course.

But this is a woman who can brave multiple indiscretions, who has denied too many infidelities, who can say with a straight face that her tits are real and that she has never courted paparazzi – you think a little Xenu Wrath is going to sink Victoria Beckham?


Anyway, here she is giving Tom and Katie a tour of her house the other day. Look at Tom – that photo kills me. Waving his arms about, no doubt proclaiming the magnificent magnificence of the place and spraying spittle over its amazing amazingness.

Close my eyes, I can almost hear him…

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