The Beckhams on the Sidelines

November 27, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 27, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Even I, the most shameless of Beckham cheerleaders, have to admit this is a little embarrassing: he spends more time in the glass box these days than he does on the pitch, and while the paycheque keeps rolling whether or not he actually plays, such images certainly do little for the glory of the Beckham brand, especially now that he’s no longer the stalwart captain of England football. Thank Goddess for his doting wife and the long-perfected body language, always the picture of togetherness and support the Beckhams are – even when they’re dejected – never not touching, never not possessively possessing each other, always prioritizing the projection of commitment over actual commitment itself …the crux of their brand, really, which is why contrary to premature reports of a split in UK tabloids earlier this year, I held steadfast to the tune of a 50 pound bet that the Posh and the Becks would remain husband and wife through at least 2006, if not the remainder of the decade and possibly longer. However, it is clear, at least from his professional prospects, that the time may have come to explore new hunting grounds, given that the skill expectations in Europe have probably exceeded his current abilities. And, all things considered, it has never been a better time to pillage America, on the heels of the TomKat association and the attention thrown their way as a result, to say nothing of the rumoured fondness that has supposedly sprouted up between Victoria and Jennifer Lopez – a story originated, of course, in the British papers, from sources close to Posh (gee, what a surprise), that have Vicky and Jenny bonding over style and looking into developing a fashion label together. Now obviously I could be wrong, and I have no idea either way but seriously – how likely is Jennifer Lopez, who ALREADY has her own fashion label, to partner with someone and SHARE the credit and the glamour and the proceeds? From the perspective of La Lopez, widely acknowledged to be a very astute businesswoman – what’s in it for her? Are you telling me that Victoria Beckham, much as I love and worship her, has cornered a certain market that Jennifer Lopez hasn’t? That Posh can provide something that JLo needs??? Please. There might be a value from the Beckham side but you don’t need a f*cking MBA to figure out there’s absolutely no value on the Lopez end, and the mere suggestion of diluting her brand and complicating it with another high profile image is absurd, without even considering the egos at stake. So forget the Lopez link and focus instead on David for the LA Galaxy and a lifestyle-based reality show for Victoria, perhaps with guest appearances by Katie Holmes and Jennifer Lopez (which makes MUCH more sense), chronicling Victoria’s transition to America as she acclimatises to a life in the US, with episodes centering on meeting other famous mums, discovering how to order a salad but not really eat it at The Ivy, planning a British-themed children’s party for the Los Angeles elite, agonising over what to wear to Graydon Carter’s Oscar party at Morton’s, culminating in the Season 1 grand finale as David arrives home after winning the MLS championship to Victoria’s good news – that Angel Beckham, formerly Spanish Beckham if she were to be conceived in Spain, now changed to Angel as appropriate for the Cali climate, is finally on her way with Season 2 planned entirely around her pregnancy. See? The opportunities for entertainment are endless. And, as I’ve said a thousand times before, Victoria Beckham on camera is endlessly entertaining. Fingers crossed…hopefully the Cruises can help engineer a move to America. Praise Thetan, ah-Xenu. Source
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