Wilmer Valderrama: big mouth, big c*ck
March 28, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at March 28, 2006 12:00:00
You want to know how this guy gets so much snatch? The magic numbers are 20 below. Which is the why the only p*ssy Wilmer Valderrama has managed to weasel his 8 inch manhood into is of the teenage variety. And Jennifer Love Hewitt, of course. But then again, that slut will f&ck anything. However, before we bash, let’s first acknowledge and thank Wil V for opening his big mouth... something few celebrities are willing to do. Kissing and telling is a gossiplover’s dream. So why sh*t on him for giving us what we want??? As you’ve probably heard, Wilmer went on Howard Stern the other day and decided to throw open his black book which reads like the pages of Teen People. Among the highlights: - he plucked Mandy Moore and she wasn’t “warm apple pie”, whatever that means - Ashlee Simpson is loud and louder, like sister like sistesr - Lindsay Lohan has bonafide boobies - Jennifer Love Hewitt scores 80% - Jessica Alba is “too good to be true”, confirming what we all know: that she is the biggest bitch with a “c” in Hollywood - Jamie Pressley and Rosario Dawson refused to play, thank Goddess Wilmer also added that he thinks his Spanish accent and his tight jeans are the keys to his success and that his Big Willy is actually more than 8 inches long, which naturally impressed Howard and his horny sidekick Robin Quivers. So here’s a Carrie Bradshaw question: does size overcome Fez? Does length override the loser? Does girth make up for the geek? You tell me. Because if it was up to me, I’d take David Beckham with a little pee pee over Wil V and his hammerhead again and again and again.