Would You Rather Articles

Posts featuring celebrities who elicit the question "Would You Rather..."

Rossum for his birthday

May 13, 2009 10:05:37 Posted at May 13, 2009 10:05:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Run, Robert, RUN. Today is Robert Pattinson’s birthday. I know this because my inbox has been pounded by his fans, some very polite, and some not so polite, “belligerating” me for not wishing him a Happy Birthday. I’ll let you enjoy that for a minute or two. My birthday, by the way, is September 26th. Full Story


April 16, 2009 18:32:54 Posted at April 16, 2009 18:32:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s petty, sure. But again…this is a gossip column. Graciousness does not live here. What does live here is an aversion to Emmy Rossum. Which is why I am happy to bring you the following Fried Rice Moment: Her new film Dragonball Evolution, eviscerated by critics, opened in only 8th spot last weekend taking in a dismal $4. Full Story

Smut Math

March 27, 2009 12:55:06 Posted at March 27, 2009 12:55:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

A problem to solve. Or a problem with no answer? Please explain to me... Who or what is the target clientele for David Arquette’s new clothing line propr? It launched at Kitson last night. KITSON! Where random items are tossed in bins and sold for $500! So that’s his price point??? Just. Full Story

Ugh. It’s Rossum

March 11, 2009 07:09:00 Posted at March 11, 2009 07:09:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Rossum has a new movie coming out called Dragonball. Live action manga. It premiered yesterday in Japan. Rossum is far from the first star of the film. Not even the second. Maybe the third. But fourth would be most accurate. Heh. The way she’s dressed and posing however, you’d think she was the f-cking Julia Roberts of the Dragon Ball franchise. Full Story

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Would You Rather: Rossum vs Diddy

November 28, 2008 14:23:04 Posted at November 28, 2008 14:23:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The most epic Would You Rather ever. Trust Hello Kitty to hire Emmy sodding Rossum to sell coffee. Of course. Only in Asia where they raise their girls as emotionally stunted stuffed toys could the Rossum be considered a pitch person. I’m sorry to start your weekend off this way. Truly I am. Because upon watching this you will, pardon the crass, feel anal raped by sugar. Full Story

Rossum and the Dolphin

September 23, 2008 14:23:38 Posted at September 23, 2008 14:23:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Now she’s f&cking mermaid. Emmy Rossum continues with the sugar raping in the latest post on her blog http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=185709354&blogID=434967815, telling her five fans that she kissed a dolphin and she liked it. If you've all been checking out my youtube videos at my youtube channel at youtube. Full Story

Would You Rather: Rossum or Tranny?

September 19, 2008 10:32:00 Posted at September 19, 2008 10:32:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Scary Spice Mel B is releasing a fitness video. Mel says:"For anyone with jubbily bits, I'm going to tighten you up, make you laugh and enjoy your workout no matter what level of fitness you are” In other words, instead of being flabby, you can be hermy. Turn your jubbily into tranny! So here's the question - and a good time to play Would You Rather: Would You Rather: Be friends with the Rossum. Full Story

Rossum for the Weekend

August 15, 2008 11:07:55 Posted at August 15, 2008 11:07:55
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’m golfing today. If I miss a 3 ft putt, this will be the reason: Emmy Rossum has announced via her blog that she is working on a new album, intending to rape us with more sugar. Full Story

End the Rossum, Save the Child

August 5, 2008 12:45:00 Posted at August 5, 2008 12:45:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This picture makes my life. Thanks to all of you who sent it along. It’s Rossum this weekend wrapping her Rossumness around an innocent child at some party. As you can see, not even a 5 year old can handle the sugar rape. Full Story

Midsummer Rossum

July 30, 2008 16:11:36 Posted at July 30, 2008 16:11:36
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know I was just thinking to myself the other day – we’ve been blessed by many consecutive weeks, almost the entire summer actually, without any Rossum. Perhaps sensing this, Rossum is back, and punishing us for lost time in the worst way with a triple dose of the special sugar-raping brand of nasty ass nausea only she can deliver. Full Story