Happy Mother’s Day/Daddy’s Home
Moms around the internet, we love you. You work so hard, those of us without kids quite literally have no idea how you do it. I, specifically, am in awe of your ability to not get blackout drunk at least once a week. It’s such incredible work and it seems that to celebrate, the Universe and Zac Efron have conspired to give a little something back to the straight mamas, and the lesbi-mums who like to look at pretty boys. Their gift? Zac’s abs.
A couple days ago Zac had his top off on the set while he was shooting Townies in Los Angeles. When I first beheld his bare torso, so brawny I’m surprised every time I see it, I thought “great idea, they’re capitalizing on his skin heavy scene by inviting paps on set to shoot semi-nude Zac.” The cynic in me believed this was part of the early promotion for the flick…but then this happened…
In the following days, Zac continued to flash his abs, not for a scene but then for what? Well I can see no reasonable explanation other than that this one is for you moms. Zac’s no fool; he knows his abs, as sexy as they are, aren’t going to guard, guide, love, entertain, feed, or clean the next generation. Zac’s abs won’t pick up anyone from daycare after working a 50 hour week. Zac’s abs will not teach the future that only assholes text at the dinner table. Zac’s abs get 8 hours of sleep every night and that’s not changing because some 4 year old has a fever. The gift of Zac’s abs, these tight and furry vessels of erotic pleasure, they’re not for the kids. They’re for you.
So take ‘em in, Moms. Stare at that magic place where his pants, underwear, and stomach intersect to form something so much more valuable than the sum of their parts. Then when you get home, send the kids out to play and go to town on your boyfriend/husband/wife/vibe with all the sexual energy you’ve syphoned from ZE…or don’t if you’d rather read for an hour. Tell your partner to go f*ck him/herself and get you a beer. Happy (early) Mothers Day!