Smutty Social Media, May 21, 2018

Maria Posted by Maria at May 21, 2018 17:04:43 May 21, 2018 17:04:43

Money moves. 

Do you ever see those adverts for Master Classes taught by celebrities, like Ron Howard teaches directing and Helen Mirren teaches acting and Shonda Rhimes teaches TV writing? Michael B. Jordan’s “baby oil lady” needs to teach a class about her education, her experience, her skills. What path led her to getting paid to apply baby oil to Michael B. Jordan’s body and how can we replicate it?

 

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Taylor Swift has “the enemy of my enemy is a friend” cross-stitched on her pillow.

 

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I often mention Dasha Zhukova in this space – she may not be famous, but she is rich as f-ck and has deep roots in LA and New York (it helps that she owns a business with Wendi Deng, and is tight with Jennifer Meyer, the Foster sisters, Karlie Kloss and Kate Hudson). Her ex, Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich (who often hosts Leonardo DiCaprio on his boat) is having Visa issues in the  UK. Dasha is apparently “holed up in an Upper East Side townhouse” and, last I checked, dating Stavros Niarchos (you might remember that name from 2005, when he and Paris Hilton were dry humping up and down Sunset – and he also dated Mary-Kate Olsen). All of this international drama has me wondering -- WWWDD? What will Wendi Deng do?

 

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Kumail has incited a Twitter meltdown with his assertion that pizza is “very slightly overrated.” He doubles down with a list of foods he thinks are better, jokingly including calzones. Calzones are the worst; they are f-cking terrible. Like Leslie Knope said, “Calzones are like pizza but harder to eat. They’re dumb.” But you know what isn’t dumb? Panzerottis. But the problem with panzerottis is that they are hard to make, and very hard to master. And they are not available in a lot of places (at least where I live). It’s a tough thing because I love them, but if they every do become popular, hipsters will ruin them by stuffing them with nettle and goat cheese. The only proper panzerotti has sauce and cheese. That’s it. Let’s not fight about this.  

 

Expect to see more of Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross, because they are doing a reality show for E! Or as they call it, a “docu-series”. Has the difference between reality TV and a docu-series every really been defined? Or is it just TV exec speak for a reality show that doesn’t include hair-pulling and drink-throwing?

The only thing Justin Theroux loves sharing more than his dogs is pictures of celebrities. Not that he cares or anything. That would be uncool. 
 

 

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Photos:
John Parra/Telemundo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

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