That’s better, Lifetime

Kathleen Posted by Kathleen at March 19, 2018 13:16:32 March 19, 2018 13:16:32

On the day Meghan Markle and Prince Harry publicly announced their engagement, I was trying really hard not to care about their upcoming royal nuptials. Then, about 20 minutes after their photo call, I found myself zooming in on pictures of her ring. The monarchy won. I care. 

I haven’t even attempted to pretend I don’t care about the Liftetime movie about Meghan and Harry’s love story. You know I love me a good ol’ schmaltzy romance movie. The last time I wrote about Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance (the name is still the WORST), the first on-set photos were released and I decided that my expectations went from, “hey this might be a fun girls night viewing with sweats and wine” to “HAHAHAHA THIS IS GOING TO BE HILARIOUSLY BAD.”

Now, we’ve got the first teaser trailer and… it’s not bad. In fact, it’s pretty good. Still hilarious though. And when I say “good” I mean it looks like it’s going to be better than Britney Ever After and The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story so the bar isn’t exactly very high. 

Most importantly, while Parisa Fitz-Henley’s wig still isn’t great (the elevated part with no scalp showing is the tell) it’s not as busted as I predicted. It’s not so bad that it’s distracting. I’m almost disappointed. I was ready to laugh at Faux Meghan’s bargain basement lace-front for two hours but now I’ve got to settle for laughing at painfully cheesy lines like this:

“I don’t need my life to be this perfect royal picture, I just need you.”

That line is the only thing we hear from Murray Fraser’s Prince Harry who sounds EXACTLY LIKE THE REAL PRINCE HARRY. Seriously. It’s uncanny. I think Murray Fraser and Parisa Fitz-Henley may just be the best actors Lifetime has ever had. Again, that bar isn’t very high but after this trailer, I believe in them. 

Here’s a rundown of the scenes we can look forward to in Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance:

Harry brings Meghan flowers to her trailer on set of Suits. Is Patrick J. Adams playing himself? Can he, please? 

A very romantic, well-lit tent setup that looks like a fantasy suite date from The Bachelor but it’s probably supposed to be Botswana, where Harry took Meghan on their first overnight date. 

Harry’s proposal. If we don’t see some chicken roasting and a nod to the Ina Garten “engagement chicken” that the Internet has decided has magical husband-baiting powers, I will not be disappointed because  
 “engagement chicken” is dumb. 

More fake Botswana. 

HARRY AND MEGHAN MAKING OUT IN BED.

More bed scenes! This time with lots of sheets and no clothing! This feels creepy but I don’t care! 

Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance premieres on May 13th and I feel completely OK with the fact that I will be planning my entire day around this airing. The monarchy wins again. Just kidding, the monarchy probably really doesn’t want us to watch this factually inaccurate reenactment of the most intimate moments of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s relationship. BRB, setting my PVR so I can watch it multiple times.  


 


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