GREEK Celebrity Break-ups
GREEK Season Two begins on ABC Family next Monday March 24th and the main characters are rebounding after heartbreak.
To celebrate the return of the frat boys and sorority girls, and the love drama that characterises their existence, we're
counting down the 5 Smuttiest Break-Ups on a dedicated page. Send in your submissions!
Click back every day til we get to #1. With photos, details, pink bikinis and pats on the bum for a little nostalgia
along the way.
Synopsis
GREEK returns after a scandal breaks out when a newspaper article reveals the secrets of the Greek system. Now more than ever,
the Cyprus-Rhodes University fraternities and sororities are under a microscope. Rusty and Casey, who are both dealing with
broken hearts, return to campus in hopes of having a fresh start. But with all the changes on campus, it turns out there are
more challenges than either of them expected. Created by Patrick Sean Smith, GREEK is executive produced by Piller/Segan in
association with ABC Family. The cast includes Jacob Zachar as Rusty, Spencer Grammer as Casey, Scott Michael Foster as Cappie,
Jake McDorman as Evan, Clark Duke as Dale, Dilshad Vadsaria as Rebecca, Paul James as Calvin and Amber Stevens as Ashleigh
Smutty Break-Up #1: The Brads
The obvious choice, of course, would be Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. The regular girl who got The Guy, the God, the Brad…the demise of their marriage was a major bombshell and its ramifications are still reverberating across the gossip universe. But the truth is, the smuttiest splits involve Brad and anyone. Even Juliette Lewis, who was f&cked up for years (and arguably still is) after they broke up. Nowadays, for Juliette, only Xenu can fill Brad’s void. See what I mean?
Before the MiniVan Majority hung its hopes on Brad and Jen however, there was Brad and Gwyneth. They fell in love on the set of Se7en. He supposedly wanted her for Legends of the Fall but the role went to Julia Ormond instead (where the hell is Julia Ormond???). After Se7en, they were inseparable. And Brad fell hard. A Midwest modestly raised boy who finally found his princess – Gwyneth Paltrow whose mother was a Tony award winning actress, whose father was an Emmy winning producer, who played at Steven Spielberg’s house when she was a girl, who was born in California and raised in upper crust New York among the privileged and the proud who still believe that status that is inherited is preferable to status that is earned. Gwyneth Paltrow is the super snob of all super snobs. She was his trophy. I worship her. And so did he.
In all fairness, it did go both ways. They looked perfect together. They were ridiculously in love. Which is the why the press was ridiculously in love with them. Needless to say, those photos didn’t hurt. She the tall cool blonde with the classy good looks, on the arm of Hollywood’s Sexiest Man Alive, Brad and Gwyneth not only filled the void of Johnny and Winona, they took the concept of the modern supercouple and made it a supernova.
There were the nude photos on holiday (have you seen them?) and the public declaration of his love at the Golden Globes – do you remember? “My angel, the light of my life”. People Magazine called her the Luckiest Girl in the World. He proposed and everyone wanted to be her. Looking back, it was much too much. And she wanted her own identity.
But Gwyneth was young. And by her own admission, she was an asshole. She wanted more, she took him for granted, she cheated on Brad Pitt, pretty much confirming it to Diane Sawyer a few years ago, saying she was the “architect of her own misery” and that she behaved very badly. The candidates? Ben Affleck, Guy Oseary, Chris Heinz, and a rumour that Brad walked in on her servicing Harvey Weinstein in exchange for Shakespeare in Love which has since been written off considering Gwyneth’s pedigree and a new wrench thrown into the story that that was actually, allegedly, Charlize Theron.
Do you love it, or do you LOVE it?
Brad was reportedly devastated and bitterly disillusioned after breaking off the engagement. This is the shadow Jennifer Aniston stepped into. Painfully insecure and now occupying the taller, thinner, more talented vacancy Gwyneth left behind, it apparently took a while for Jen to find her groove. But he was totally into her. And they were able to keep their relationship relatively undercover for the first few months so that by the time news broke, both were contentedly committed and ready for marriage.
Their wedding was the event of 2000. A star studded guest list, elaborate logistics, a tent in Malibu, fireworks, helicopters, it was a fairy tale Hollywood affair.
And then came the baby waiting. Year after year, he’d make no secret of the fact that he wanted them, year after year she said it would happen soon. At the end of Friends. Even though at the conclusion of the series, she had at least 5 or 6 projects in the works, she kept insisting that the babies were coming.
He kept believing it too, telling Diane Sawyer that little girls broke his heart, that he couldn’t wait to be a father.
Looking back though – there were signs. Beyond the rumours that he and Angelina Jolie were electrifying on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith, there were indications that all was not well between the Golden Couple. Public fights, stiffness on the red carpet, and an argument caught on camera – rarely seen photo attached of Jen and Brad leaving a party in the middle of a heated discussion, she stalked off with him trailing behind... word is, things had been testy before Angelina came along.
She was tired of him pressuring her to get pregnant, he was tired of certain habits she wasn’t serious about cutting, and confused about her relentless ambition for more than Friends.
No need to rehash the rampant infidelity speculation – the MiniVan swears by it, the Brangelunatics believe the opposite. What IS true is that 20 Century Fox made a killing on Mr & Mrs Smith and was the ultimate beneficiary of all rumours about a Brad/Angelina hook up. Put it this way - it was an easy job for a publicist working to promote the movie. Coincidence or conspiracy?
Jennifer subsequently told Vanity Fair she chose to believe her husband – she chose to believe he did not cheat. On the day they announced their split, they were in Antigua together with the Arquettes, photographed kissing on the beach (attached)… one last holiday before parting ways. It was amicable for the time being.
Until Brad and Angelina showed up on the sand in Africa with her son. And the infamous W Magazine photo shoot. Jennifer quickly retreated into victim mode and the tabloids have cashed in ever since.
This is the Brad Effect. He falls in love so spectacularly, everybody takes notice. He falls out of love so dramatically, everybody has an opinion. There are stars who make more at the box office, who wield more clout, who might even be better looking, but only Brad Pitt’s love life inspires this kind of fascination, now multiplied a thousand-fold with Angelina Jolie.
Can you imagine? What would happen if… if…
Smutty Break-Up #2: Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise
Not going to lie. I loved them together. So did you. She had him at his hottest. And he had her at her most… unfrozen. Before blogs destroyed the credibility of a celebrity publicist, before Botox destroyed Nicole’s face, before Xenu pushed the GMD further into the closet, Nicole and Tom were adequately believable. Nicole and Tom worked hard at their illusion and we rewarded them by turning a blind eye. Which is why the world was shocked when in early 2001, only 3 months after renewing their vows, Pat Kingsley announced that the couple had separated “amicably” – even more ironic when you consider that Tom subsequently claimed that their marriage clocked in at just under 10 years, interpreted by many to be a legal move exempting him from standard California alimony guidelines.
Amicable quickly became acrimonious when Nicole publicly claimed she was flummoxed by their sudden split and Tom venomously retorted that “Nicole knows exactly why we’re getting a divorce”.
Theories as to why the supercouple went their separate ways quickly lit up the smut wire. She was accused of cheating on him – some say with Ewan McGregor (absolutely not), others say with Iain Glen (not implausible), who shared the stage with her in the Blue Room (when she performed nude), and my favourite… Baz Luhrmann, who directed Nicole in Moulin Rouge and the upcoming Australia. Can you imagine? Nicole Kidman and Baz Luhrmann??? Probably true BECAUSE it’s so ridiculous!
Of course you’ll recall, shortly after the break-up, Nicole also suffered a miscarriage – one of many she’s been rather forthcoming about revealing – and many gossips believe that Tom lost his gay midget sh*t when he found out she’d gotten knocked up by another man, that their fraud could not possibly endure that betrayal, and so he threw her out upon the discovery.
Another school of thought behind their separation: others believe that Tom and Nicole’s estrangement was a direct result of her growing disillusionment with the Church. There is a delicious theory floating around that she walked out for good when she found her children engaged in some sort of scientological ritual that she could not bring herself to accept.
And then there’s the persistent gay issue. He’s not the GMD for nothing, after all. And many are convinced that the contract simply ran out – that he married her for deception, and that she married him in exchange for profile.
No matter. We will never enjoy a complete and thorough understanding of the truth behind their unravelling. We can however delight in what happened afterwards. Because once they let go of each other, they also let go of control. They ceased to be able to control their images. And the aftermath has been the stuff of super smut.
He of course had to get rid of the homo hints ASAP. Enter Penelope Cruz, then Sofia Vergara, and finally Katie Holmes. The couch, the crazy, the controversy... Tom’s invulnerability and his hot streak went the way of his marriage to Nicole. So apparently did his good looks.
Nicole on the other hand busted out of the gate with a much more promising outlook. She succeeded in winning our sympathy. She was gracious and reserved, she was as stoic as she was statuesque, she focused on work, and it was good work too. The Others, Moulin Rouge, and of course The Hours. She won for The Hours. And everyone wanted her to.
But then, suddenly, shockingly, overnight, Nicole Kidman became Granny Freeze. Nicole Kidman was not content to be regarded as one of the finest actors of a generation. Nicole Kidman wanted to be desired. She wanted eternal youth. She wanted her face to stop moving. And it did. And with the same calculating, meticulous attention paid to her career, Nicole then turned her attentions to her love life, approaching the situation with strategic resolve and frightening ruthlessness – she was, after all, trained by the best. Ten years with Tom Cruise pays off.
Keith Urban was a perfect candidate. After hiring him, perhaps too hastily, they’ve since enjoyed a royal Australian wedding, followed by embarrassing revelations of infidelity, a subsequent damage control trip to rehab, and have emerged recommitted and now “reportedly” pregnant. “Reportedly” because Nicole is not nearly as credible these days as she was immediately after her divorce. The refusal to admit to Botox, the staged photo opps, the manipulation of the media, the aggression of her bodyguards, that curious little bump… she has become the GMD’s perfect, perfect match. Nicole Kidman BELONGS with Tom Cruise.
Tragically enough, they are no longer together.
Isn’t that so f&cked up???
Smutty Break-Up Honourable Mention: Reese & Ryan
The sunkissed golden couple – young love, young parenthood, young success… Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe were the
ultimate Hollywood fairytale. They met at her 21st birthday party – as legend goes, when she saw him she said, “well you must
be my birthday present”. From that point they were inseparable, co-starring in Cruel Intentions when, during filming, Ryan
famously admitted that he ran into the stairwell and threw up after shooting the scene where his character tells Reese’s that
he wanted nothing to do with her.
She got pregnant, it was a shotgun wedding, Ava came along, and then so did super stardom – Legally Blonde made Reese a major player. Deacon made Reese and Ryan a quaint two kid family. But his success lagged behind. And still in his 20s, his horndog could not be tamed. Tempted by the party lifestyle, he was often seen prowling the LA club circuit acting the opposite of matrimonial.
But Reese wanted an Oscar. And even though she and her husband hadn’t been seen together for over 6 months, on the weekend that Walk the Line was released in theatres, suddenly the couple was photographed with their children running a weekend errand. Simply put – she campaigned hard. And he was expected to toe the line. Which he did grudgingly and through the rest of award season, right up to the Oscars, we observed the two of them over-the-topping their white picket love.
Remember how embarrassing he was during the Golden Globes? Remember how he tried to swallow her in front of the cameras at the afterparty?
Six months after receiving her Academy Award, they were done. And while they’ve managed to be publicly civil, while they’ve managed to refrain from warring in public, what makes this break-up particularly smutty is the fact that Ryan Phillippe is a cheating douchebag. His affair with Abbie Cornish on the set of Stop Loss made headlines immediately. Not surprisingly however, it was not his only infidelity. Turns out where fidelity was concerned, staying faithful was actually the exception.
Rampant betrayal in cities around the world, including Toronto and Vancouver, where at one point he was allegedly nailing three women who all worked at the same Cactus Club in Yaletown at the same time! Over in Toronto, it was a hostess at Lobby. And a few others in the same profession – rumour has it he would sneak away for a little afternoon action with one of them when Reese and the kids came to town to visit.
And if his philandering wasn’t enough, making it worse is that he went about it like a cheese dick. The kind of lame ass moves that will only work with naïve (or dumb) aspiring actresses who can’t see past the fame game. Am told he’d support his celebrity status with cringe-worthy overtures like cell phone poetry and long lingering looks, punctuated by protracted “sighs” of regret over his “loveless” marriage. I mean, come the f*ck on. If you need to step, at least do it in style.
Alas… it turns out Ryan’s cheating style is not unlike his dressing style. Beater tanks and greasy carb face all the time... Ryan Phillippe definitely peaked too early.
Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand… Jakey will age well. Trust.
Smutty Break-Up #3: Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards
No shortage of smut here.
Charlie, as we all know, had his share of scandal even before marrying Denise. A Heidi Fleiss regular, a public battle with
drugs and alcohol, tough love from his dad Martin Sheen finally contributed to his final attempt to get clean…and on and on
and on and on. Charlie Sheen is a dirty m*therf&cker. Which is why he was perfect for Denise Richards. Because you know what
they say about Denise Richards, don’t you? Rumour has it, and rumour has it she’s admitted to it too, Denise was one of Heidi’s
girls. She’s also universally regarded as the worst Bond Girl, like, ever.
Filth meets filth – it was supposed to be a match in Filth Love Heaven. And it has been. Charlie and Denise’s break-up has
been as filthy as they come.
She was pregnant with their second when they announced their separation. Allegations quickly ensued – she claimed he was
enjoying inappropriate underage content online, he vehemently denied the allegations, and somehow details of her accusations
from sealed documents were leaked to the press, positioning Denise as the party to pity. After a brief, unsuccessful
reconciliation, they moved ahead with divorce, and she moved ahead with dating Heather Locklear’s estranged husband, the
same Heather Locklear who was once one of her good friends. She thought it would be a good move – hooking up with an older
man who needed an ego pick-me-up, a very wealthy older man who could keep her taken care of… unfortunately Denise’s pragmatism
turned public opinion against her. Because then it came down to character: what kind of woman stabs another woman in the back?
Especially when she used to be a high class prostitute? Wouldn’t that woman say and do anything to extort an ex-husband?
Would she lie?
You bet your boob job she would.
Unfortunately for Denise, Richie Sambora eventually figured out he was dating a shameless famewhore who kept pressuring him
to get married with a lucrative pre-nup. And unfortunately for Denise, Charlie kept fighting back against her claims,
revealing in court manoeuvrings of his own that Denise was ingratiating herself with his new fiancée, telling the press that
she had sent the new fiancée flowers, all while arranging for the paps to capture their bonding moments.
Even more damaging – it turns out Denise had asked Charlie to father a THIRD child with her, submitting a claim for a sperm
donation from the same man she also says harbours some sick perversions. Needless to say, Charlie is taking it straight up her
ass, and what was already ugly has gotten uglier, as he is intent on exposing her for the lying skag she is.
Denise meanwhile continues to parade herself as a perfect mother. Photos emerge every few weeks or so of Denise beaming at
her girls at the market or at the park, even around her house – an arrangement so obvious even her neighbours have started to
complain, hoping she’ll move the hell out of their ‘hood. But it’s about to get worse. Because Denise is shooting a reality
tv show about her life as a single mother. Like Dina Lohan only her daughters are much younger. And about to be constantly
photographed, fed to the media like two sacrificial lambs waiting to be roasted.
Charlie tried, through court, to block his kids’ involvement…to no avail. Denise has won the right to expose and exploit her
babies and she will profit handsomely from her efforts.
Am surprised she’s not best friends with Heather Mills. Am also surprised she’s yet to join the cast of Dancing With the
Stars. You know that’s next, right?
Smutty Break-Up #4: Bennifer
You may have claimed to have been tired of them, but be honest… you secretly couldn’t get enough: two equally smutty, equally
intriguing, equally famous people coming together in blockbuster fashion. Looking back on those halcyon days – That Was Her…
Then – watching Jenny From the Block over and over
again (and don’t lie – you totally did), the way she made over the boy from Boston, the way he caressed that ass in a pink bikini on camera, and their subsequent
over-the-top public engagement… It was the time of our lives.
Gobble, gobble – they met on Gigli. And while it was a few months yet before they officially became a couple, when they did,
it inspired an international frenzy. The story first broke on the
set of Maid in Manhattan. She was suddenly glowing and gushing. He was spotted in her trailer, she was photographed bringing
him a piece of cake. Then came the video and the interview with Diane Sawyer. Remember how she giggled? Remember how she had
to go call him and ask him if it was OK to announce that he had proposed? Filling his mother’s house with rose petals, lit
with candles, and one of her songs playing in the background… they totally made my life.
And then it unravelled. It had to unravel. Because Ben and Jen made no sense.
Vancouver proved to be their undoing.
Ben hit up a peeler bar called Brandy’s. If you were to psychologise the situation in hindsight, perhaps he wanted to
get caught. It’s almost textbook, non? Feeling trapped but too afraid to be honest, letting his demons emerge to make the
decision for him… weak, weak, weak. He would go on to deny any wrongdoing but my sources tell me he allegedly enjoyed a
private lapdance and let his fingers do some exploring in moist cavernous places.
The scandal exploded, she was humiliated, and they called off their Santa Barbara wedding, blaming the media, and the
tabloid intrusion into their lives, making a very public, very transparent appearance at The Ivy the very same day, desperately
insisting that their love was still strong. But the photo told a different story. Her face was a mask of hurt – too much blush
and sad, sombre eyes. He on the other hand – the smirk, the embarrassment, and the relief… it was the kickoff to the countdown,
the beginning of the end.
They fled to Savannah, Georgia for a while, and she clung, as we girls do, to a man she knew was wrong for her. We watched
as she sat miserably at his side for hours over New Year’s at the poker table in what many said was the final wake up call.
Shame is so often the ultimate motivation.
Within weeks there was Marc. And Ben has since painted his life in Taupe and Violet.
But for those of us who love smut…
We will always have Bennifer.
Smutty Break-Up #5: Johnny & Winona
The first super glam super couple - dark, beautiful, angst-ridden, painfully, desperately in love. Tattoos and red lips,
cigarettes, according to love legend, they locked eyes across a room and that was it. Johnny and Winona last three years.
Too young, too sensitive, too pressured, too photographed… she had a nervous breakdown, fell apart, and said she could
only put herself back together without him. Thank Xenu for YouTube. Clearly people still pine. Because if you do a
search for Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder, the videos come up fast and furious. She's never looked right with anyone
else since, has she?
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