Smutty Surgery Articles
Gran on the cover and the in the pages of Vogue, shot before she started showing, not that she’s showing much now. You’ll recall, she announced her pregnancy 30 seconds after Keith Urban fertilised her botoxed eggs. A brave move for someone who’s suffered so many miscarriages. But as they say in the article, Nicole Kidman is fearless. Full Story
The worst boob job in Hollywood went out last night to some private party. Not sure how Tara Reid finagled her way onto the guest list but some things never change. It’s not the worst she’s ever looked but the girl is still as skank ass as ever. Funny thing is… her legs are not unlike Victoria Beckhams. Full Story
Dear Gossips,
Well… I didn’t hate it. But I didn’t love it either. Did you see it? Were you out with Carrie and the girls this weekend? Chances are you were. I went with my Main Gay Darren. We loved her studded belt. And the chemistry between the girls. We giggled at the way Charlotte said: but we’re in Mexico. Jason Lewis is f&cking hot. But the amount of makeup Chris Noth was wearing frightened us. I replied to emails on my blackberry three times because it was too bloody long. And either give the mute Chinese baby something to say or do or don’t include her bloody in the scene!
By the way - where the hell was the 5th lady New York City?
Would love to hear your thoughts. Please do share.
As for Darren and I… we must be two old bitches. Because we were more excited about the Mamma Mia trailer than the actual movie. Can’t wait!
Darren and I are also the annoying assholes sitting in front of you who won’t shut up. But only during the previews. Especially during the previews for Baz Lurhmann’s Australia, starring Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.
Have you had the pleasure? If no, click here.
We played the funnest game ever: Does Her Face Move?
After nearly 45 seconds, during which Granny Nic appeared on screen every other shot, we remarked with delight that it remained frozen. Not even a muscle twitch. But at one point Darren made a momentous discovery. He leaned over and observed wryly:
She blinked.
Of course I lost my sh*t. And more sh*t went missing when Darren followed up by noting that Hugh Jackman was “down-acting” to deflect her handicap, as in intentionally muffling his talent so as to make up for the fact that hers has been immobilised by Botox.
Seriously, you must have a look. It will make your life. And Hugh Jackman really is a dreamboat.
MTV Movie Awards went down Sunday night. Many photos to follow. But it all boils down to this: Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp Forever.
Also the guest list from the GMD’s house party. Oprah and the Scientologists and all turned up. The GMD has powerful friends. It’s Monday – am in Toronto for a two day blast on assignment for eTalk at the CTV Upfronts. Will be blogging all day between shoots. Check back often.
Yours in gossip,
Lainey
Ugh. Ashton Kutcher’s facial hair. Those of you who’ve been reading a long time know… I call him Gary when he does this. As in Gary from Team America: World Police. When they tried to make Gary look like a terrorist by gluing beard batches haphazardly on his face. Ashton’s attempts at older manliness are equally as ridiculous. Full Story
She might be Australia’s princess but not all Aussies are enamoured with Granny Freeze. Turns out the smutmongering is in overdrive Down Under about Nicole Kidman’s curious bump and her crazy botox. The speculation is delicious. Here are my two favourites: 1. Gran’s sister, the very fertile Antonia, is apparently keeping a very low profile. Full Story
She is as obvious as Ebola on a photo opp. Can you imagine? An Oscar winner having to stoop down to Paris Hilton’s level? This is now Nicole Kidman’s reality. Gran showed up with a noticeably bigger bump at the Country Music Awards the other night holding on to her belly in nearly every. Full Story
Take a look at this cartoon. Do you want to be this cartoon??? Yes, we all want to stay young forever. And I will do what it takes to look 30 forever. But I'm also lazy AND chicken. So hell, I'll scrub my face with blue algae that stinks of dog plaque if it means no needles and no doctors. Fortunately for the squeamish though, there are advancements in beauty products that are making it possible. Full Story
Check out Catherine Zeta-Jones shooting in New York today on location for The Rebound. Call me Cruise but her eyes look like they’ve had an Asian lift. Matter of a fact, her face looks remarkably fresh – almost 10 years younger. Beautiful. Is she simply well rested… or did she get a referral from Madonna and Demi Moore? Photos from Splashnewsonline.com... Full Story
In more ways than one. Have you ever seen a woman work bump the way Gran is working her bump? Last week her bump was a molehill. This week is a bubbling volcano. Nicole Kidman spoke at a UNIFEM press conference yesterday at the UN and bordered on Rossum with her incessant bump-highlighting antics that had some people distracted and others wondering why she didn’t just hire a man to walk around with a neon arrow point at her belly. Full Story
As a typical Canadian, for the last 2 weeks, the only thing on tv is hockey. First round is always the most fun. Am particularly amused by how Sidney Crosby is trying to grow a moustache. Only Orlando Bloom has fewer whiskers. Last night, Detroit at Nashville, Granny Freeze and Keith Urban were watching from a box… and at one point, across all feeds in Canada and the US, the camera panned over to Gran and Keith who were “caught” in an intimate moment. Full Story
Holy mother of all f&ckedupness. Take a look at Lara Flynn Boyle. If you can stomach it…take a close look at Lara Flynn Boyle. Those of you with kinder hearts will perhaps plead her case by calling this some kind of disorder. Those of you, like me, who are going to hell will call this a direct result of punishing your body by not eating, for years not eating, and by mangling your face with injections. Full Story
Thanks to the lovely, lovely reader who sent this in yesterday after watching The View. A curious little slip by Whoopi Goldberg – anyone else happen to catch it? It was during the Hot Topics segment, the hens were clucking about body image and magazines – how celebrities claim they stay in shape through healthy diets and yoga and personal trainers when in reality, it ends up being achieved on the surgeon’s table, nips and tucks… Whoopi posits, something to the effect of: “Yeah, what they don’t tell you is they are getting it all cut off!” And then Joy objects – “But Whoopi, they can’t get it all cut off – their face would still be fat. Full Story
If you tell me your first instinct when seeing Renee Zellweger isn’t to put a hand to your own face like you’ve been burned… I won’t believe you. Don’t lie. Because it hurts to look at her. It hurts to imagine what she’s done to it. How hard she’s scrubbed it. Full Story
Renee Zellweger and her overpeeled-to-the-point-of-snapping face pictured here on Friday with what the paps are claiming is a new boyfriend. Ummm… Is Gaydar a dying art? This, to me, is not a lover’s clasp. This, to me, is a faghag clasp. This is how my main ‘mo Darren and I stroll down Pacific before heading into Pure Nail Bar for our manicures and pedicures. Full Story
So Granny’s bodyguard beat the sh*t out of a photographer last week and not a word of it in any of the papers or the weeklies. Coincidence or conspiracy? Consider this: Nicole Kidman is super tight with Rupert Murdoch. Full Story
Thank you for all your emails about the Daily Mail’s analysis today of Nicole Kidman’s Bat Face. No joke. They actually compared her to a bat. Because of the freeze, of course. Because Gran can’t lay off the Botox. And they recruited a top Botox specialist to assess her work. He subsequently railed on her for giving Botox a bad name, for over-using and ruining her face, effectively turning it into the possum of the night. Full Story
5 shots of Botox won’t freeze the sting of this one! A Nashville entertainment reporter by the name of Jimmy Carter says that Keith Urban has been contacted by the tabloids following up on a story that some Australian woman is claiming he’s the father of a love child sired in Australia back in the 90s. Full Story
Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman has a frozen sister! Check Meg Ryan last night with Tom Hanks at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame event. Like Nicole, Meg’s once beguiling features have now grotesquely morphed into wax and ice. Meg’s advantage however is that she has good hair. Always has had good hair. Full Story
