Dear Gossips,

Chinese New Year is on February 8th. It will be the Year of the Monkey. As you may know, there are 12 signs in the Chinese zodiac. And if you’ve been reading this site for some time, my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, prepares readings for each sign, and gives away lucky charms, every year.

The 12 Days of Chinese New Year will begin next Friday, January 22nd. One sign will be profiled every day, ending on February 8th with the Monkey. These are not so much predictions as they are guidelines for preparation and for those of you who are not believers, I’m not here to badger you into changing your mind. All I’ll say is that none of this is extraordinary work. It’s simply an active awareness of potential challenges. I am an Ox. And this past year, for the Ox, was going to be hard, I knew it would be hard in advance, because it was the Year of the Goat/Sheep, the Ox’s opposing sign. If you go back to the advisory for the Ox from 2015 – click here – this, specifically, was the note:

Be extra, extra careful in July and August. These are the “goat/sheep months”. For the Ox, our friend signs are Chickens and Dogs. Those who are born in the Year of the Chicken and the Year of the Dog might be able to protect us. Dogs in particular – like the animals and the people of the sign – are particularly useful in reducing danger.

My ma was hospitalised in July with pneumonia due to complications after chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant. Our dog, Marcus, was in decline through August. My shield, he left us on September 17th. He absorbed whatever sh-t was heading my way and took it for himself, along with a lot of peanut butter and grilled chicken.

So heads up, starting January 22nd.

Oh and a quick note on that Friends reunion I mentioned the other day? When people were freaking out up and down Twitter? Matthew Perry has confirmed he won’t be there and will be participating via video because he’s doing a play in London. Again, how is this actually a reunion? Matthew, by the way, is a Rooster. Roosters should try to be flexible during the Monkey.

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,