Have received a lot of email lately asking whether or not I've been watching True Blood. Yes. But barely. Meaning I'll have it on but it won't be the only thing I'm doing. And there are scenes where I'll tune out completely. Like whenever Arlene comes around. Some characters are meant to serve tables in the background. And that's all. I don't give a sh-t that she has a demon child. Why do they keep forcing me to care? There are already too many people to care about!

And yet the first episode seemed somewhat promising. Or maybe it was just because I was so excited to see Petunia Evans Dursley. Right now though, Arlene is taking way too much time, and same goes for Tommy and those crazy ass hillbillies he calls parents, and even Jason's storyline is becoming all kinds of too much are you for real? Right now I'd take Andy Bellefleur over ALL of those people. Also, sorry, shirt on or shirt off, Alcide is boring to me. If that's all he's good for, I can just buy a fireman calendar, you know? Give me more reasons.

Which brings us to what has always been the best part of the show and that's Vampire Eric Northman and his child Pam and his chemistry with annoying little Sookie. I'm down with shaking up the character, giving him yet another dimension. But here's what happens to Alexander Skarsgard when you take away Eric's fun, nasty, naughty mean streak and turn him into an overgrown child: it's harder to ignore what terrible hair he has; it's harder to ignore those creepy teeth and the weird pervy way he speaks; it's definitely much harder to ignore his beady little eyes.

And this is the opposite of superficial. Sort of. It's a classic case of personality enhancing looks, right? Attraction is more than only physical. But you strip him of his sexiest attribute and all that's left is....

Check out Alex Skarsgard in official doctorate attire at Leeds University today in England receiving an honourary degree. Now Colin Firth miiiiiiiight be able to make this work. The Princes Will and Harry maaaaaaybe too. Even Brad Pitt is a stretch though. And George Clooney? Forget about it. So Alex Skarsgard? Not even close. And this, this is how I see him now on True Blood without Eric's memory. Even with his shirt off he may as well be wearing this and a dorky expression.

Just...bring back the guy in tight beater tanks under sculpted leather jackets, let him f-ck the sh-t out of Miss Stackhouse, and release me from my tv blue balls once and for all, would you please?

Photos from Wenn.com