Let me start with the dress...which I quite liked. It’s Givenchy. The back is awesome. And so well suited to her aesthetic. I just think she couldn’t hold it up, you know? Like carry it properly. Her body has a small part to do with that, sure, but mostly it’s the oh-please-I’d-rather-be-developing-a-character-with-David-Fincher body language that she’s wearing with it that undermines the creation.

A few of you have been sh-tting on me via email about me being too hard on her. That she’s a good actress and so she said that she’s “aloof” a few times in a few interviews and that’s no reason to hold it against her.


But did you watch her interviews last night?

She met every question with disdain. She approached every outlet with the same Ugh, Do I Have To Be Here? attitude. Oh poor Rooney Mara, she was forced to go to the Oscars as a nominee and walk the press line because the Academy decided to honour her performance.

Nobody’s going to ask you, with FANS IN THE BLEACHERS, about Lisbeth’s existential crisis and whether or not the Lee Strasberg Method allows for improvisation. As IF you just picked your dress at 9am that morning because you have so many other important things to care about.

You were front row all in New York two weeks ago. WHY WERE YOU AT A FASHION SHOW when you could have been working on your craft and smoking cigarettes? At some point, it’s just rude. It’s rude to come to the Oscars, when the Oscars are exactly what they’re advertised to be, it’s not like this is news, and not come prepared to at least play along, because... who pretends anymore that this event isn’t a giant dick suck?

Also...can we talk about the fact that her sister, Kate Mara, was there? And I can’t find one, NOT ONE, photo of the two of them together. Not on the carpet at the Oscars, not at the Vanity Fair party. Maybe one will turn up later. It’s only 3am at this writing. Party pictures might still be trickling in, but those carpet photos from the Oscars, those would have been taken almost 12 hours ago, if there were any of Rooney and Kate together. You and your sister are at the same event and you’re up for the achievement of a lifetime and you two don’t want to get in the shot together - that’s weird, right? I just asked Duana; she thinks it’s weird too.