Before we start breaking down this ridiculously staged PEOPLE exclusive, um, I need to gloat. I had an exclusive on the ring on Monday – that post is here. Have you seen the ring? The ring is an emerald cut. Massive but elegant. Thin band. And a warm yellow-ish hue. Click here for more details and a beautiful shot of Amal Alamuddin’s beautiful hand.

These shots…

I love how in the article, PEOPLE goes about it like a photographer just happened to be there and the magazine just happened to get exclusive details about how George Clooney proposed on one knee on April 22.

At this point, how bad would it be for them to just tell us – yes, we ARRANGED this entire situation, down to the f-cking lighting on the couple’s face?


This is not accidental lighting!

And it’s insulting to expect that we wouldn’t know otherwise.

Actually, never mind. There probably are some idiots out there – a lot of them – who don’t suspect the strategery that goes into these moments.

George, then, doesn’t want to keep this is a secret. George is shouting it from the mountaintops, a proud affianced man who has finally found “his match”. That continues to be gross to me: Amal Alamuddin, for all that she’s accomplished, has to be described as George Clooney’s equal? The fact that we have to be served this sh-t and that we’ve set up our culture to make it ok that the sh-t be served to us in this way says more about us than it does about them.

And what does their unofficial engagement portrait say? Because it’s not by accident how their bodies are placed. Amal, you’ll note, is leaning back, slightly reclined, with her arm around George from behind, her head tilted upwards. There’s a lot of power here in this position, usually the position taken by a man at the table: comfortably confident and challenging at the same time, as if she’s saying “impress me, say something to impress me, tell me something I want to know”. And sexy as hell at the same time. While he’s pushed forward, seemingly eager to please. There’s my Photo Assumption of George Bridget Jones and Amal Mark Darcy. You?