I feel like I know more about this wedding than the Kanye West wedding. That said, you know who would agree with making the wedding as big of a f-cking deal as possible and broadcasting it far and wide? My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken.

It’s a celebration. You don’t hide a celebration in a corner. You don’t start a marriage under cover, like it’s something to be camouflaged. That’s why Chinese weddings can be so obnoxious. Yes, my people love to show off. But it’s also about luck generation and the accumulation of good fortune. But when I tell ma that most Hollywood weddings are big and bold and they all end up in divorce anyway, her answer is that they probably picked a dark day.

According to US Weekly, the Alamuddin family picked Amal and George’s wedding day. Her parents supposedly insisted that it be in the fall. So it’s September 27 which is also… Gwyneth Paltrow’s birthday!

US Weekly is also reporting that her parents are paying for the event. The journalist mother and academic father are bankrolling a major movie star’s wedding? OK, I kinda like where they’re coming from here. That’s pride. That’s them saying we can take care of this ourselves, we don’t need Hollywood money. Our daughter is an international human rights UN-approved lawyer, we can roll in on our own account, thank you very much.