So it’s not your wedding day. You’re there because your husband is receiving a lifetime achievement award – even though, as Tina Fey pointed out, you’re basically saving the world with your brain. Seeing as you’re not a useless tit then, you put some though in your outfit, right? You do if you’re Amal Clooney. She is a thinker.
For her then, a LOOK AT ME crazy couture gown is not the answer, no matter how disappointing that is to us. Because if she was in some LOOK AT ME crazy couture gown, our response would be like, pffft, who does she think she is showing up in some LOOK AT ME crazy couture gown.
At the same time…
You don’t want to bore our balls off either. You still kinda want to make a declaration. In England, when it’s all fancy and sh-t like this, they wear gloves. So, she went with white gloves. Which, as far as famewhore moves go, is f-cking brilliant. Because, really, they’re just gloves with an unremarkable but flattering black dress. But they’re long white gloves. And Hollywood people just don’t do long white gloves (anymore). So it becomes a Conversation. It becomes THE Conversation.
Amal Clooney wears white gloves!
And now everyone’s talking about the white gloves.
Note, they were her own white gloves. She’s the kind of lady who has white gloves just lying around. Meaning she didn’t go extra, she didn’t run around town looking for them to complete her wardrobe, it wasn’t a full-time job deciding what to wear, we’re supposed to believe.
Amazing though the effect those white gloves had though. The kind of reaction they elicited, a very specific, precious to the point of pretentious kind of reaction.
My friend Lorella was all like, “white gloves are for white tie and the Globes are black tie”. And on Twitter Sarah went all Downton Abbey on measurements:
“Opera gloves go over your elbow. Amal Clooney is wearing elbow-length gloves.”
It’s the style version of which fork to use. All over a pair of gloves. Now THAT is how you cockblock a red carpet without leaving any fingerprints. No wonder he married her. She’s a star. And that brings us to his acceptance speech, a speech fitting for a Chairman, a speech from a leader – not too long, overly maudlin, not self-indulgent (he hardly talked about himself), not too preachy but also not too reach-for-the-stars…
And, because he’s the consummate entertainer after all, there was a gift wrapped for the rest of us too – the people who aren’t privileged enough to be in that room, drinking the champagne…
Didn’t you feel like you were there, at the wedding, and that that was his toast to the bride?
Duana and I talked afterwards to get organised about today’s posts and she brought it up first: “Am I losing it here or what, because I bought that, I bought that from him.” Me too. With conditions. That there has to be an ulterior motive. To which she replied while borrowing from Lily Tomlin.
“Well…two things can be true.”
And, really, what can you say to that?
Whatever his motivation, whether or not it’s a partnership for a bigger objective, it doesn’t mean there isn’t genuine love and affection there.
