Oh thanks God. There was no Pitt Porn at Cannes this year and there’s been no Pitt Porn for months and it’s been a hot dry summer and now finally, finally they took the porn out for a ride and everything else stopped. All in service of course of Salt. Both Variety and the Hollywood Reporter have given Salt solid early reviews but what’s most critical, obviously, is the box office.

Will the Jolie open big?

The Jolie is the ONLY woman this summer shouldering that responsibility at the movies. Because she can. And this is the Jolie I get hard for. This is the Brange I get hard for.

Here they are, in full sales mode, at the LA premiere last night, the most spectacular version of themselves that we’ve seen in a long, long time even with her crazy skinny legs. Goddamn that face. And her skin. And her glow. And his HOT has come back.

This is why it was futile complaining about that beard. It’s not like he didn’t know. When you look like him, you do that to f-ck around. Yeah, I’ll be ugly for sh-ts and giggles. Because the minute I decide not to be ugly there’s no one else who can touch it.

Study the gait, always the gait, study the way he leads her, the styling, the open neck, the three piece, even how he holds his shoulders, extends his hand, positions his arms… it’s Man.

There’s no trumping this. You can’t. Unless Richard Burton comes back from the dead, really, who can?

Sigh. Love starting the day with True Movie Stars.

PS. Note that Angelina ordered the dad and the brother to come for support. That Morton book is due out soon.


Photos from Wenn.com and Russ Einhorn/Tonya Wise/London Ent/Splashnewsonline.com Jason Merritt/Kevin Winter/Robyn Beck/Gettyimages.com