It’s a photo heavy post because I’m not splitting up multiple articles to cover all the Jolie’s sartorial sh-ts from The Tourist premiere and photocalls in Italy and Spain.

Let’s start from Wednesday night. Those assy satin pants. Even the Jolie, with her spindly legs, can’t make satin palazzo pants work, Jesus. And the lips. And the hair. It’s a mess.

Thursday it was a photocall with Johnny Depp in Madrid. Hair pulled back. Slacks and a furry cardigan. Not terribly offensive, no. You’ll note they still stand next to each other like there’s something to avoid. Rumours.

And then last night, at the Spanish premiere, Brad pulled out his steezy leather pants again and his gait, always his gait, the best gait in Hollywood, and Angelina showed so much promise from the waist up. It’s beautiful. And her face. Look. At. That. Face. Crazy. Her face is a legend. And then... the skirt. You know those Dracula costumes for Halloween? The cape? Cheap polyester that smells after an hour? The way they’ve put this together it’s like she’s fashioned one around her waist. Incredibly frustrating.

I love Angelina Jolie. When I look at her I want to explode inside from the gorgessity. I feel like she’s deliberately depriving me.

Anyway, in other Brange news, the trailer for Pitt’s long awaited The Tree of Life – a high quality official one and not a bootleg – has been posted online. Terrence Malick has been tweaking it forever. Like three years. And it now, finally, has a release date in May. So... Brange in Cannes. My favourite.

This, if you’ve not seen it already, is how you cut a trailer. It’s visually stunning. It doesn’t give everything away. It’s compelling. It’s haunting. I was riveted for two minutes. And I’ve watched it probably 5 or 6 times, each time I feel, well, surprisingly moved. The music, the exact light, just the right softness, harsh when it needs to be, that great short glimpse of those boys dancing, stomping, on that bench, it’s gorgeous. And I suppose it’s the result of Malick’s infamous attention to detail, that even a corny line like “Unless you love, your life will flash by” plays perfectly.

Photos from and Riccardo Cesari/Gigi Iorio/ and Elisabetta Villa/