This is Angelina Jolie telling Taylor Swift and Kanye West’s wife that their pathetic excuse for Gossip Christmas was BARELY Gossip Christmas.

So, in case you haven’t heard, TMZ broke the news that Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Her lawyer is Laura Wasser – and this is key, because Laura Wasser also represented Johnny Depp, and TMZ was getting allllll kinds of insider information that favoured Johnny’s side in his ugly split from Amber Heard. Right now then, it’s important that you consider that much of what’s been initially reported by TMZ is going to favour Angelina. Which is that she wants physical custody of all the children and only “joint legal custody” for Brad. According to TMZ:

“Angelina's decision to file has to do with the way Brad was parenting the children ... she was extremely upset with his methods. We're told there was no alleged "third person" ... her decision to file was solely over Brad's interaction with their children.”

So, already, she’s putting it out there, some suspicion, that Brad’s influence on the children was concerning to her. Remember, Angelina Jolie is a master media strategist. There are few better than she is at this game.

Consider the timing of this. TMZ reports she filed on September 15th. Typically celebrities bury their scandals on Friday afternoons. She decided to wait. Wait until after the Emmys, wait until after Emmy Monday, when all entertainment and news coverage on the Emmys has subsided, and then, on a Tuesday morning, WHEN EVERYONE IS PAYING ATTENTION, she delivers on Gossip Christmas. And now here we are. The timing is not coincidence. Angelina Jolie wants full eyes on Angelina Jolie. Brad Pitt is about to find out what it feels like on the other side.

Before we get into it though, I want you to go back to a post I wrote back in June. The title of that post was “Smutty sensing the Brange”. So. So familiarise yourself with that homework, and what I reported in June. It was a heads up. It was a warmup. And, yes, there was more. I have more. But I also have two shows I have to work on so I’m writing as quickly and as thoroughly as I can in between rehearsals and script reviews and I promise I will have those posts up soon. If you’ve been reading my site for a while, you know sometimes it takes me a little longer because there’s so much to say. I apologise for this delay. But I also want to get it right. Hope that’s OK.