It’s her new interview with Parade. Parade is always safe. Parade is probably more safe than People. With Parade it’s straight up celebrity ass eating. Which is disappointing in this case because my Jolie is an asskicker who can more than hold her own in an interview and thrives on confrontation. The brand Brange however has other ideas. And so this...

An Angelina Jolie interview full of fontrum GUSH. She is GUSHING. Why is the Jolie GUSHING? Why is my Jolie slapping me in the face with Rossum? ROSSUM? In the same post as the Jolie? F-ck me, yes.

"I feel sad for someone who has never known love. Love elevates. You know, Brad would joke about me having this conversation about love. Love? It's such a funny word. Brad can find certain phrases of poetry for it. I'm terrible at it. But I know it means wanting the best for the people you love, putting their interests above your own, always. Love does that. Love is what you live for."

Gross.

And the entire article, it’s like this. Happy happy, home home, mommy mommy love love babies babies... great. I’m down with a Jolie who is good with her kids, who’s devoted to her man, but when she recites dialogue from the MiniVan Majority handbook I’d rather eat dinner in the washroom of a Chinese restaurant, always my default go-to for anything revolting because, well, have you been in one? I don’t know what it is with my people - our homes are spotless but we have no f-cking respect for anyone else’s facilities.

And then there’s her face. In Furious Love they went on about Elizabeth Taylor’s face, her eyes, her legendary, otherworldly beauty. Like E Taylor, the Jolie’s is a face that comes along only once a generation. Truly spectacular, spectacularly unforgettable. This is an extraordinary photo of Angelina’s face. It’s just... I wish... it came along with a better interview.

Most disappointing. Because the Jolie Rossum is in service of Salt. She is some kind of lethal weapon fugitive in Salt. And how is this Good Housekeeping bullsh-t supposed to make me want to see Salt???

Angelina’s media strategies are normally very well thought out. This, though, this is a miss.

Click here for the entire Parade article.