Goodbye Jolie?

She says she’s quitting movies soon:

"I don't plan to keep acting very long. I'm ready to do a few things now and fade away and get ready to be a grandma one day."

Something about raising her kids, spending time with her babies… ugh. The minute you say babies, I stop caring. Unless it’s the Miss Zahara Variety Hour with special guest Little Sci in the Bogey Box, popping up randomly from the ejection seat in a cardboard lifesize jetfighter laughing maniacally before being launched towards the ceiling with her thumbs up in the air.

Since we’re still 20 years from making that a reality, Angelina Jolie’s retirement may be a bit premature, unless she leaves behind the only thing we care about: Pitt Porn. There HAS to be a video. Please let there be a video.

As for why she’s retiring, or why she’s threatening to retire, and the motivation behind her statement, well she’s reminding someone that she’s won an Oscar already, isn’t she? The Jolie claims to be choosing family over career (music to the MiniVan’s ears), in sharp contrast to her nemesis who keeps saying she wants children to placate her masses but who in reality really didn’t (staying thin and making movies was more important) which was ultimately the death knell for that marriage. Whether or not this exit promise is fulfilled remains to be seen.

Sparring with her predecessor however isn’t the only objective though. As is the case with the Brange, there’s always a bigger picture. She campaigned hard for one last year and was unsuccessful. This time, with the support of Clint Eastwood and buzz for Benjamin Button, the Brange want to make it a double nomination: Best Actor and Best Actress.

Sending a message to Hollywood that hints at the fact she won’t be around much longer is an interesting approach. Last year the Power Pitts punished the Academy for its snub by showing up at the Spirit Awards with her fresh twin bump on super display and upstaging the Awards the following evening – a presentation that was originally intended for Oscar night proper.

Her alleged imminent departure might be their cue to give the Brange what they want, suck in some super ratings to make up for last year’s dismal performance, before sending Angelina on her way. Temporarily.

You know they love it too much to stay away. And three years from now, when she pulls a Brett Favre, they’ll jump on her back again to come out the slump that began when she left.

And the Pitt publicity machine keeps rolling. They’re always selling and I’m always buying.