Saturday, April 5, 2014
Dear BFF Anna Kendrick,

Tonight you hosted SNL! I was a little worried about your sartorial choices, because I love you so much but you know that you sometimes have odd clothing situations.   But you started the show in a little girl princess dress that actually works. I could not actually wear said dress, because it is not designed to accommodate boobs, but it was cute anyway.

Okay, so you played Belle in the opening monologue, which was set to “Belle”! It was so cool how you said that you fell in love with musical theatre when you saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway and had to be up on the stage. I get the sentiment, Anna, becase I felt the same way, and there you are, and here I am. On my couch. Getting chills from sitting and watching you LIVING MY LIFE. No big, though.

So here’s the thing – I know you’re the big star, with your movies and everything, but you were totally excited to hang out with the SNL women, right? Like I assume they are the most fun to hang out with and I want to play accents with Cecily Strong and harmonize with Sasheer Zamata. That’s all you guys did all week, right? Even though Dongs All Over The World was no Twin Bed, you guys were just having fun making up ways to sing songs all through the episode, right?

I mean, listen, Anna, you and I are BFFs even though we’ve never met, so I assume we talk about the same stuff. Aren’t you just amazed at how the women of SNL are so consistently doing sketches that highlight them in all kinds of ways? That make funny women at the forefront of the show, instead of decoration? Can you remember the last cast of the show where there were so many sketches where dudes weren’t in them, or were accessories only?

No, right? It’s kind of awesome. And while I’m kind of annoyed that you mostly sang your way through the episode (points though for Les Jeunes dans Paris) and I really wanted to see you be a bigger brat or bitch or something, I’m mostly happy you got to hang out with the cool girls for a whole episode. The powerhouse women of SNL are just celebrating the culture we grew up in, and every sleepover story or Little Mermaid tribute proves that all kinds of stuff can be funny, right?

So listen. When you go back next time, tell Lorne you want to sing something filthy from The Book of Mormon, get a good romantic scene going with Kenan or McKean, and have them write you an edgy joke or two, because we know you can sell it.

PS My birthday is August. You can come, right?