Written by Duana

I have a lot of opinions, so, as always, buckle up. But first, a list of Anne’s outfits in order of how good I thought they were. Obviously these are not the technical terms.

Red plastic sexy sequins – Atelier Versace
Gold shakey shimmy – Oscar de la Renta
Blue latex – Armani Prive
White fussy bodice – Givenchy Haute Couture
Tuxedo – unknown. Brian Atwood heels
*Blacky grey feathery – Vivienne Westwood Couture
Red big bustley - Valentino
Black with boob swirls – Tom Ford

*I originally forgot all about this dress and had to be reminded, so that’s one of the reasons it’s ranked relatively low. But it also wasn’t lifechanging - was it?

Okay, now on to the main event.

Anne Hathaway got a raw deal last night. She was put beside a problem child and hoped against hope that James Franco’s lame, too-cool hipster idiocy wouldn’t utterly sink them. As Lainey’s said elsewhere, you can now tell, looking back on the month of promotion, that maybe she sensed this coming even then. But she hoped it would all be OK.

Instead, it was a nightmare. You get out onstage, you look to your cohost, and instead of merely tanking, or freezing, he is being an active tool. So what’s a girl to do?

You do what any people pleaser does. You try to cover for him. You work harder. You smile and dance and sing, literally in this case – and attempt to distract the powers that be from realizing he’s not going to be doing his work, all while trying not to let on too obviously that you are doing his job for him.

But the thing about picking up other peoples’ slack is you never get the respect. People just say ‘well, it was lame, and she was there’. When she finally gets home to her girlfriends and a bottle of wine, she is going to unleash about what a tool he was and how utterly screwed she got – but she’s too classy to do it in public, and so people get irritated with her shimmies (me) and her nervous “whoo’s” (all the rest of you). In fact, when she flubbed a line and frustratedly told the people at home to drink, I almost cried for her. She’s working SO HARD and who is distinguishing her from her layabout of a cohost? Everyone says ‘they were bad’, not ‘he was unfocused and jerky and she had to deal’, which is the truth.

I just can’t stop feeling bad for her. These two are basically partners on a social studies project that he won’t help with, and she’s trying her very best not to go all Tracy Flick on him. So yes, I forgive her nerves and her prattling. Because really, what else should she have done? What would have been the smoother move in this scenario?

Photos from Wenn.com and GABRIEL BOUYS/Kevin Winter/Frazer Harrison/ROBYN BECK/Ethan Miller/John Shearer/Gettyimages.com