Daily Mail claims that Nicole Kidman is pregnant. The Daily Mail also reported this in March. Click here for a refresher.  Sources are saying that Granny Freeze has been walking around with a bump. Hmmm…you mean a bump like these bumps? Because according to BumpWatch (so unreliable!) she would have birthed 40 children in the last 2 years. And her publicist has said as much in a statement denying the rumour, though we are inclined to believe the opposite these days of anything offered by a publicist, non?

And perhaps this time is different. Perhaps this time Keith finally fulfilled the terms of his employment. Perhaps finally she can prove those ridiculous rumours wrong – the ridiculous rumours about Nicole being born a herm told to someone with an uncle who is a doctor who attended a medical conference where the lecturer totally confirmed that she has both a pee and a poon.

Granny Freeze is many things but Granny Freeze is NOT a Herm. Trust.

She is however super desperate. And she must be seething after recent comments made by Katie Holmes that her own children call the stepmother “mom”. Replaced by someone younger, replaced by someone more popular and much more fertile, it’s a tough pill for an aging actress to swallow. An aging actress who refuses to age. Who will do anything, who will immobilise her own face to stay the effects of aging – of course she’d leak whatever she can to make you think she’s fertile. To stay relevant. To stay young. Of course she would.

For the 40th time… Granny Freeze is fertile. Do you believe?

This is desperate Granny attending a charity event a couple of weeks ago desperately wearing a see through dress and looking desperately super old. Poor Granny.

Please Xenu. Please give Granny a baby. Praise Xenu!

Photos from Splash