"[Joe] is head over heels for [Ashley]. He thinks she is down-to-earth and absolutely beautiful. He hasn't been this into a girl in a long time." – a source to People.com, for an article posted this weekend, on the burgeoning relationship between Ashley Greene and the Middle Vagina Jonas Virgin.

This was probably Ashley’s third draft. I imagine the first one looked like this:

“Joe is totally in love with Ashley and was the one who pursued this relationship. Not only does she have the hottest body in Hollywood but also the most gorgeous face, more gorgeous than Kristen Stewart, and Joe thinks Ashley should have been picked as Bella Swan. He hasn’t been this into a girl in a long time. He is worried though because Ashley is getting so many great scripts, and he wonders if she’ll still care about him after she gets nominated for an Oscar.”

Joe Jonas is to Justin Timberlake what Ashley Greene is to Jessica Biel?

Keep in mind, Jessica Biel isn’t exactly up there in stature. What does that tell you about where Ashley Greene belongs? When the best deal she can make is with a pre-Bieber who’s at least a year past prime? Shame.


Photos from Wenn.com and Dikran Djrdrjan/Splashnewsonline.com