It’s not Susan Lucci. Look closely. See? It’s not Susan Lucci. I’m telling you, it’s not. Stop arguing. I wouldn’t lie to you.

It’s also not the Daytime Emmy Awards.

This is not the Daytime Emmy Awards and this is not Susan Lucci.

But it could totally be Susan Lucci at the Daytime Emmy Awards. And with all due respect to Susan Lucci and the Daytime Emmy Awards, it’s a f-cking shame that Ashley Greene showed up at the New Moon premiere in LA working some Susan Lucci at the Daytime Emmy Awards.

She is so beautiful, Ashley is. And she is so incapable of dressing to her assets.

I can’t even look at this dress without thinking about needing calcium supplements as prevention against osteoporosis.

I can’t even look at this hair without spelling out The Mall. Like, THE CROWN IS TEASED.

I can’t even look at this colour without wondering why she’s trying to be #1. This is an attempted upstage. It failed miserably and horrifically but it has Victoria Beckham written all over it. And that’s the problem with Ashley Greene. Her hunger is too transparent, too naked, and ultimately so embarrassing particularly because there’s really nothing to back that sh-t up except images of panting half naked on skin rags. Lately when I see her, I automatically think of Denise Richards. This is not a compliment.

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