In 1998, Ashley Judd walked across the stage at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in a white dress slit waaaaay up and a flower by her ear and it became an Oscar moment. People still wonder whether or not she flashed the Academy. Back then Ashley Judd was an It girl. Back then they talked about Ashley Judd the way they talk about Jessica Chastain. Today we are talking about whether or not hair height is an indication of craziness. But would you believe, even this was not enough to make Worst Hair of the Emmys?

Can we go back to sh-tting on the taffeta? Taffeta always, immediately, ages you. It ages the 7 year old whose mother, for some reason, wants her to look 12. It ages the 17 year old at prom who, for some reason, can’t wait to be 30. It ages the 30 year old who, for obvious, is terrified of looking 40. It ages the 40 year old who, stupidly, thinks that needles in the face will make her seem more youthful. Ashley Judd in taffeta Carolina Herrera is going to her own retirement party. Or she’s a 70 year old woman celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary. This is the gift of taffeta. All the taffeta needs to be burned.