Ashton Kutcher attended his first movie premiere since being publicly exposed as an unfaithful moron of a husband, now single. Here’s Ashton last night on the carpet with Lea Michele for New Year’s Eve. He and Lea are paired together in the movie. So it was her duty to pose with him like they’re friends, like they enjoy each other’s company. I know Lea is annoying and that we love to hate her. But my choice here is to assume that this is a professional obligation for her, a subtle order by the studio, if you will, to be nice to him so that we can begin the process of healing his reputation, and then his career.

It won’t take long.

Just look at all those goddamn fans. Those idiots lined up screaming at him for his autograph. If you passed by a crowd of people clamouring for Ashton Kutcher’s autograph, would you keep walking, or would you stop and join in, like it’s free food and you can’t leave without getting some?

MORE people would stop for Ashton. Why? Because...

He’s famous.

That’s, like, the only reason you need these days.

He’s famous.

He’s a f-cking dickhead but... he’s famous.

I want to be able to say I got Ashton Kutcher’s autograph. I want to be able to put his picture up on my Facebook...why? So all your friends will know you were waiting around for that loser at his movie premiere?

You can’t blame movie studios, television executives, fashion magazines, clothing designers, agents, Anna Wintour, and the government for this sh-t.  It’s Us. It’s We. We’re Them. We’re DUMB.