Canadians are all about coddling their own even when it’s sh*t. Every week, I receive at least a few dozen emails: Be nicer to her/him Lainey! After all, he/she’s Canadian!

Is that really all it takes? And shouldn’t that be grounds for HIGHER expectations? Apparently, most of the time… No.

This is why the Canadian media can’t talk smack about Canadian celebrities even when they suck large donkey ass. Like Pamela Anderson, who is as cheap and trailer as they come, with the worst kept not so secret habits in the business, and two boys she claims are her priority even though she’s too busy marrying and divorcing dirty douchebags.

It was surprising then the reaction of the Canadian press to Avril Lavigne’s new tour. She opened last week in Victoria, prompting the Victoria Times Colonist to rip it apart. And now, Canada’s national and most distinguished  newspaper The Globe & Mail just published this scathing review :

It"s all very distracting, but none of it can make up for the worst damn truth about Avril Lavigne: She"s not a very good singer.

In fact, at times Wednesday night, she was downright awful - shouting her way through lyrics that her tired voice couldn"t manage or, as she often did, simply giving up and holding the microphone out to the audience while she took a breather. Sure, every rock star worth her salt does that now and again to give the audience a thrill, but Lavigne resorted to the  hey-audience-you-know-the-words trick just a little too often.

The queen of the arm pump also seemed out of breath at times, as she marched back and forth across the stage.

The queen of the arm pump! Do you love it or do you LOVE it? The arm pump is indeed her one and only move. And THAT, when you boil it down, is the essence of Avril Lavigne – she hasn’t evolved. Her fans haven’t evolved. They were 14 when she started, they are 14 now. Which means they grow OUT of her and not WITH her.

One. Trick. Pony.

Oh but wait… she, like, totally punked you. Because she, like, totally made you think she was pregnant as part of Ashton Kutcher’s new show Ashton Kutcher"s new job Pop Fiction. ‘Cause Avril is, like, so f&cking badass cool…you don’t even know.