Ben Affleck is on preschool pick up duty. Oh Violet. This child. I love her and I don’t even know her... which totally sounds f-cked up and creepy but that pretty much defines celebrity child obsession these days anyway.

The Chosen One Shiloh Jolie-Pitt has more magazine covers than the entire cast of Friday Night Lights!

As for adoring Violet… it’s just because she’s so happy. Like ALL the time. Or at least when she’s getting her picture taken. And she is going to be gorgeous.

Anyway, the woman behind Ben – that’s his mom Chris. Perhaps in town to help out while they get accustomed to the routine with the newborn Seraphina Rose. Many of you have emailed asking for my thoughts about the name.

Thing is, celebrity baby names don’t really make me crazy the way they make some of you crazy. As long as they’re not calling their kids Toe Jam or Cupboards, I’m actually rather indifferent. Like Bronx Mowgli works for me. As for the argument that Bronx Mowgli will get picked on in school – I totally disagree.

Think of the children Bronx Mowgli will grow up with. Children of this current generation of baby makers both famous and non-famous. You really think Britney’s boys will be teasing Bronx Mowgli about his name? Please.

The names I object to are actually considered rather mainstream. I won’t mention them because they will likely offend some. We all have name preferences, I guess.

My next beagle, I’m calling him Harvey. Because Harvey is such a brown name. And Marcus is mostly brown. And his brother will probably be mostly brown too.

So about Seraphina. Whatever. It’s not my favourite but Sera sounds nice. And it’s obviously not like Talulah Does The Hula From Hawaii. Or Fish and Chips. Or Twisty Poi. All names chosen by civilians for their offspring.

And how about those creepy beauty pageant moms who call their daughters Destiny?

Miley Cyrus’s real name is DESTINY!!!

And I’ve met THREE Chanels in my life.


All of them currently under 20. Hi, I’m Chanel.


I’ve also met 2 Heavens.

And one Eternity.


Yeah so next to Destiny, Chanel, and Eternity, Bronx Mowgli is f-ckin’ badass.

PS. Wanted to clarify after receiving an email from Julia. I know it would be easy to assume that Chanel and Eternity and Heaven were Asian. Hello Kitties pick some super f-cked up names for themselves. Once I met a girl called Gooby, a friend of my young cousin Gary at university. She thought it was cute. Yeah but no...Chanel, Eternity, and Heaven are actually all North American. Can't blame China for those ones.

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