His hands have apparently been a source of Twi-Hard obsession for some time now. Those losers have devoted pages and pages of online genital rubbing to what they consider the sexiness of his hands. I actually hadn’t noticed until...

It was March 1.

Vanity Fair’s April 2011 issue. With Robert Pattinson on the cover, you know, in his poet’s shirt and a hipster hat, just, like, hanging out with his favourite alligator over his shoulders, held there like an Hermes scarf by his delicate tea-pouring hands. Which is when I introduced the description:

Robert Pattinson’s tea-pouring hands.

I really do love the comedy of his tea-pouring hands. So, yeah, thanks for that Robert. It makes you a Best. But do NOT thank your management team. Because this sh-t should never have been allowed to be published, let alone on the cover of a major magazine... WTF???

How, how, HOW does this advance his career???

How is anyone who wasn’t already fan supposed to see in this image anything they might be interested in and want more of?

Who would ever believe that Robert Pattinson could tame the Crocodile Dundee???????????????????????????????????????????????????????