Did I forget to mention how sh-t Beyonce looked at the Oscars? I think I must have.


Well…Beyonce looked like sh-t. And I were Giorgio Armani, I’d institute a ban on her ever wearing his clothes again. Because she cheapens everything she puts on. And because there appeared to be a tortoise climbing up her shoulder.

Anyway, in person, on the carpet – girl is a piece of work. Vanity personified and encouraged by her father. Problem is…she’s not all that graceful. It’s one thing to strut your ass for a music video, entirely another on the red carpet, especially the Oscar red carpet. And so when she walks she constantly looks like she’s about to bust a move – totally absurd and yet completely mesmerizing. As for the rivalry with Jennifer Hudson, many people saw Matthew Knowles darting some serious cut-eye over to Andre Leon Talley. Reporters backstage also laughed during the sing-off, remarking that B’s “tear” during Jennifer’s acceptance speech was rather forced, to say nothing of her front row privilege.

Not a previous winner, not a nominee, not a legitimate actor…trust me, there was some rumbling.

From rumoured enemies to convenient friends – Nicole Kidman and the adorably pregnant Naomi Watts (insert small gloat here) acting all tight and BF-effy - they are indeed friends, but I hear they are friends on Nicole’s terms. Oscar night was clearly a great opportunity to show the “girlfriend” side of the Freeze and so there she was, sidling up to Naomi under the watchful eye of a thousand gossips. I’m told however that on the carpet and at times throughout the night, Naomi was clearly uncomfortable, particularly when Nicole was around. She’d swoop in, all 6 feet of her, to usurp a conversation or photograph. And she’d whisper in Naomi’s ear, Naomi would nod, and then suddenly they’d hold hands – it was the most awkward dynamic. Word is however Naomi is just a very sweet, very obliging person. She supposedly indulges Nicole because she doesn’t have the heart to do otherwise. Also note – Kidman was particularly friendly to Watts whenever Pene was in the vicinity.

As for Cameron Diaz – she and Djimon stayed far apart but there looked to be some chatter between publicists. Will keep you posted. Although there was nothing observed between them at VF.

Leo? Tall, too orange, too slick, attached to his mother, and very very endearing. Tried to rush down the carpet as quickly as possible, gave a chin up what’s up to Toby Maguire at one point, couldn’t wait to see Kate Winslet at VF, shared a long hug and expressed a mutual desire to work together again, also walked around with the authority of an elite power player in Hollywood. He doesn’t abuse it but he knows his place – I hear it’s this confidence that makes him sexy. Oh and one more observation, some say that his eyes lingered for a long time on Diane Kruger though there was absolutely no contact.

Finally…Travolta. Flapping around to every song. And a strange Kidman-like newness to his face as well. Kelly Preston was equally exuberant. To quote one person who had the pleasure: “Lainey… I felt I needed to back away slowly.”