The internet was even more obsessed with Beyonce yesterday when several unretouched images of her were leaked online. By civilian standards, they’re fine. Pictures of a lovely looking person.
But Beyonce is not a civilian. And being called a “lovely looking person” is not the message, not on brand. The brand is that Beyonce is The Everything. The appropriate word, the only word, is Flawless.
It all started when Beyonce fan site The Beyonce World posted hundreds of no-photoshop images online with the intention of proving to the world that the Queen is immaculate without enhancement. And, well, you know how the internet works. Joy and Hate had sex and made a baby, the root cause of every war in history. So then Beyonce World had to pull down the pictures because people couldn’t stop crying and yelling and rejoicing and stabbing. But “delete” doesn’t really exist anymore. So now we’ve all seen what happens when even the great Beyonce is victimised by sh-tty lighting and too much makeup.
The photos were originally taken in 2013 during a shoot for L’Oreal, ironically a line of products called “Infallible”.
Thing is… it’s kind of a cheap-looking ad to begin with, non? There’s nothing luxe here. The styling is garish, the vibe is so… mall. So, to me at least, there’s not that much of a difference between the enhanced version and the un-enhanced one. I’m actually surprised that Beyonce approved it to begin with. This is not her usual standard. This does not meet The Beygency quality control.
How does The Beygency deal with a quality control problem?
You remember when she sang the national anthem at President Obama’s 2013 inauguration and it was revealed that she’d lip-synched? You remember what she did at the Super Bowl presser a couple of weeks later? When she made the media stand up and listen to her deliver it live?
The Beygency always has an answer.
It could be a simple Instagram photo “proving” she really does have perfect skin. She could show up on Ellen with a “natural” face and just Mona Lisa through the entire interview. F-ck, maybe she’ll helicopter herself onto the stage at the Oscars in her all-original form before presenting the award for Best Original Score. It’s not like she and JayZ didn’t work it for an entire summer after the elevator incident to convince us that the Carters were alright. So wait for it. I have to believe a Beygency retaliation is coming.
Sorry gossips. We had to take them down. And Beyonce didn't have to ask for it to happen either. - Jacek