This is ridiculous.

This? This is what we were waiting for, all cutesy-poo ‘we can’t tell you’ secret baby names and nurses under-gag-order styles? 

James? James Reynolds. Or Lively Reynolds. Or whatnot. I mean, it’s still only from E! via ‘a source’, but I think that source is probably called “Blake’s publicity phone”, you know?

But this?

There are lots of reasons to consider your baby’s name extra hard when you’re a celebrity. People love referring to Little Blue Ivy or Katie and Suri and there’s a branding aspect, for sure, plus it’s the end of the child’s privacy, clearly. You want to make sure that the name stands up to that much repetition and attention.

But this pearl-clutching secrecy just kills me. Scarlett Johannson’s baby name is so boring I can’t remember it, but I do remember thinking that was a baller move to make her so anonymous. And she just dropped the name, which is Rose. (I checked.)   But even those with unusual names can get down to it. You know what SMG’s kid is called? Rocky. You know how much frittering and coy hiding behind fans there was about that kid’s name? Zero. For that matter, sometimes Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard get a lot of flak around here [I’m putting in Lainey’s aside for her: “Sometimes?!?”], but whether you like their baby names or not, they were unfussy about announcing them. Lincoln. Delta. Done. 

So all of this fuss and whispering and secrecy and dodging David Letterman, and the child’s name is JAMES? Pardon me if I don’t faint from the originality of it – from the curatedness of this clearly one-of-a-kind never heard before child name.

I’m also not dying of shock that it’s a boy’s name, PS. Blake Lively was apparently named after her grandmother’s brother, and so fine, a ‘male’ name on a girl baby is maybe a family tradition – but don’t make me drop my monocle into my drink, to quote my friend Emily, over the gender-bendiness of it all. (Lainey: that’s why I predicted Grey!)

There was a LOT of effort to make us think this was a bigger deal than it was, is all I’m saying.

Over JAMES. Please.