Sure…he’s thicker than his best. His wrists and hands especially. But still…still with the bloat, still Harry is the finest piece of royal ass, like, ever.

Check him out deplaning in London the other day. Look how he carries his body, looks how he wears his pants, how he holds his shoulders…

So why is Harry off the Freebie Five?

Because even the fantasy is impossible.

Even if I were younger, thin, blonde, white, noble, wealthy, with fake tits and a matching tan, and stupid … maybe just maybe he’d snog me on a drunken night after too many shots, just before throwing up, passing out, and getting carried to the car by his security. Maybe.

As it happens, minorities really don’t have a chance. And what kind of fantasy is it when you have to change ethnicities?