In news first dreamed up by the Minivan Majority’s collective vagina, Variety reported yesterday that Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, and Christian Bale will appear in a movie together. The movie, titled Sploosh: The Movie, is about three brothers on a road trip. After losing all their cash during a wild night in New Orleans, the brothers have to drive back to LA in a broken-down truck with no A/C, with only their charm and good looks to get by. Eldest brother Chuck (Pitt) just found out his younger girlfriend is pregnant, middle brother Danny doesn’t want to tell their parents he lost the money they loaned him for an investment even as youngest brother Sloane is going home to tell everyone that his tech startup just sold for millions of dollars. Forced into close proximity for a rough week on the road, the brothers reconnect after years of estrangement. Sploosh: The Movie is expected to have a 2016 release. (Don’t lie, you’d totally watch that movie.)
In reality, Pitt, Bale, and Gosling are set to star in The Big Short, an adaptation of Michael Lewis’s book about the economic collapse. Pitt is producing, following up his previous success with a Lewis adaptation, Moneyball. Adam McKay is set to write and direct, which may seem like an odd choice—he’s Will Ferrell’s creative partner—but McKay previously tackled the economy in The Other Guys. It’s a leap to go from a spoofy comedy to potential award bait produced by Brad Pitt, but it’s a topic that interests McKay, and he’s been angling for more serious work for a while—I wonder if this is why he passed on the Ant-Man job. Oh to be a fly on the wall of this set. Eye candy aside, can you imagine the Method-off between Gosling and Bale? With comparatively laid-back Brad Pitt stuck in the middle?