Are you a wine person? I am not a wine person; I don’t have the nose for it. So it is never me looking important when we’re out at a restaurant and deciding on the bottle. You put it in front of me and I will drink it. This is my contribution. I do have friends who are really into wine culture though. They take it very seriously, they have all the accessories, they know wines the way I might know every hairstyle Gwyneth Paltrow has ever worn with every boyfriend and her shoes too...


Gwyneth’s wardrobe + romantic history = totally low classy (me)

High classy would be the wine people. And I guess that includes Brad Pitt?

According to the UK Sun, he’s apparently chosen all the wine to be served at the wedding the world keeps waiting for. As you know, the world expects it to go down at Miraval, their chateau in France. So in addition to a selection of Bordeaux, Burgundy, Champagnes, and German wines, the Brange will also be serving Pink Floyd from their own estate, so named because part of The Wall was recorded there.

Is that a little like how it works in real life? You know how it is. Someone brings over a bottle of wine: “Oh we went to this great wine making place with some friends last weekend! It was so much fun! We brought you a bottle of the red that we made. It’s actually quite good.” And there’s the homemade label and you smile politely while groaning inside.

My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, did this with her mah-jong lady crew a few years ago. They decided it would be a fun “activity”. Chinese people who come to Canada are constantly looking for “activities”. These range from salsa dancing to calligraphy to wine making. She came back with 2 cases of ice wine that she’s still giving away. Every time she sees my friends she comes with her goddamn ice wine that even I know tastes like sh-t. So when I think of Brad Pitt and his little winery over there, even though it’s in France and all, I wonder if that’s what George Clooney’s inner monologue might be. When Brad shoves a bottle of Pink Floyd in his hand whether George in his mind all like, f-ck you, you bastard, I know you can afford the 1957 Chateau de Some Fancy France and you bring me your own sh-t instead?