Like many of you, I thought I’d want to see a photo of Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling side by side. At one time, I thought that might be photo I could add to my spank bank. Right now, my spank bank consists mostly of Charlie Hunnam. Sometimes a little variety helps, you know?

But this?

Not what I had in mind.

No one is joining Charlie Hunnam.

Check out Brad and Ryan last night in New York at the premiere of The Big Short. At first glance, when these were in thumbnails, I thought Brad was Johnny Depp. Ten years ago that might have been a compliment. In 2015 it’s an insult, straight up. Those f-cking glasses. Why do aging movie stars have to wear these glasses? Who do you think you are fooling?

And don’t think you can walk away from this without some Ryan Gosling pain either. Because we’ve been talking for a couple of weeks now about how Ryan has disappeared his hotness (click here for a refresher). The hotness might be gone for good. And it certainly isn’t going to come back if he’s wearing eyeliner. Doesn’t it look like he’s wearing eyeliner in some of these shots?

If I can’t unsee it, I’m not letting you unsee it either. We will suffer together.

In other Brad news, he reads gossip. See below – Brad was in Berlin on the weekend having dinner with the cast and crew of War Machine. At one point they passed around a phone. You can see Brad reading a post on the Daily Mail and laughing. I know that’s supposed to be the story here but when I look at this picture of him holding the phone like that, it reminds me of my parents, when they meet a piece of technology they don’t understand.