Who tops your Five List? Imagine that person, imagine that person the hottest you’ve ever seen him/her, the way he/she appears in your personal movies, the ones you’ve scripted in your own head, with dialogue. Now imagine that person wearing what Bradley Cooper is wearing in these photos. Don’t make excuses. This is not the point. You don’t need to tell me, “Yeah, but I still would”. I’m not questioning whether or not you would. What I’m addressing here is the “STILL”. You STILL would. What is the “STILL”?

The “still” is this f-cking track suit. Can you think of anyone who’d look good in this track suit? Please exercise some objectivity and refrain from answering “Vampire Eric”. There’s a reason they modified his wardrobe in Season 2.

Coop is in Schenectady, NY, on a break with his dog, shooting The Place Beyond The Pines with Ryan Gosling. As you can see, both actors have been costumed rather...provincially... for their parts. Gosling’s hair is now bleached, he’s fake tats all over his face, and rides around in a jumpsuit, on the outside very much a small town lowlife to Bradley’s stereotypical douchebag of a cop. How do I know he’s a douchebag? I don’t. He could be playing a dork instead. But anyone wearing that track suit in a movie - it’s either douchebag or dork, it’s never anything more attractive. And I have never been less attracted to Bradley Cooper than I am today. Even with his dog. Think about how potent the repellent on that track suit must be for me to see him with a dog and want to look away.

Photos from Thelonius/Splashnewsonline.com