Why is trash so fertile? In Touch, the last bastion of truth (snort!), is reporting that Britney is 4 weeks along and that the father is JR Rotem, that greasy extremely unattractive music producer with the unfortunate name who loves riding her for publicity.

The magazine also claims Rotem has confirmed their report, telling the publication that “It’s True”.

According to In Touch sources, Britney emailed her ultrasound to her friends, plans on keeping the baby, and is still drinking.

The story is not altogether unbelievable. What makes it unbelievable however is that it’s coming from In Touch, the same In Touch that has reported Angelina’s 2nd pregnancy over and over again, and the demise of her relationship with Brad Pitt at least once a month. Needless to say, those stories never materialised. So it would not be surprising if this one didn’t either, although with Chicken Fried Stupid, I suppose anything is possible.

Her BFF however is denying it. Sam Lufti, that swarthy man from whom Britney’s been inseparable, told Ryan Seacrest this morning that Britney is absolutely NOT pregnant and that JR is talking out of his ass. And Sam’s denial can only mean one thing: pregnant or not, she will not be having a baby.

So either In Touch was full of sh*t (likely) or Britney got knocked up and took care of business between liposuction sessions (also likely). Gossip Buffet – which do you believe?

Me? I don"t think she is. If it was coming from Us Weekly...absolutely. But In Touch? Highly doubtful. Besides, she hates kids. She cares only about herself. Why would she want another?