So Britney went to Winston’s on Saturday night. Wanted a VIP table so they had to boot someone else outta there to make room for her and whatever sleaze entourage she’s dragging around these days. This is the exclusive gossip coming out of her short, eventful visit:

As you probably already know, clubs like Winston’s have bathroom attendants. At one point, Britney went to the loo. Suffice to say she left something brown behind. She then allegedly put her chicken fried fingers all over the mints and gum and candy from the attendant, shoved them in her bag, before heading back out, repeatedly lighting up inside despite being asked three times by club management to put out her ciggies.

Winston’s supposedly no longer wants her there but rumour has it, one of the owners has some sort of connection to Kevin Huvane at CAA who apparently thinks they can sign her and save her.

And if you’re still skeptical – perhaps a quick reminder: this is a girl who routinely uses public restrooms barefoot. BARE. FOOT. She flashes her bald cooch repeatedly for the cameras. And she famously broke down as the pappies captured her shaving her own head after losing her sh-t on a flight back from Miami.

Is any of this really that hard to believe?

And finally… as of today her divorce becomes official. TMZ is reporting that her attorneys will ask that custody and monetary details not be revealed though it is expected that they will continue to share the children with $15K going to the father each month for child support. Having said that, both are said to be dissatisfied with the custody agreement and could be back in court very soon to contest the terms.

And still, faced with the prospect of potentially losing her children…still Britney can’t stay home. Here she is yesterday, shopping, lost, and terribly alone. Who will help her?