So Britney and her swarthy new beau drove to the border last night for an evening of romance and hot sex. According to his wife, Adnan is a wild sex maniac. What a winner.

While in Mexico, Chicken Fried Stupid decided to do some shopping. She apparently picked up a Gucci knock off bag. Bitch makes $750K a MONTH and has to go for fakes – never far from the trailer, non?

Speaking of knockoffs – no one does knockoffs like my people the Chinese. There’s this mall at the Hong Kong/China border – 6 or 7 levels FULL of knockoff shops. And they whisper at you in Chinglish: you wanna Ello Wee? (LV – Louis Vuitton) You wanna Plada? (Prada) You wanna dvd movie???

There are three grades, you see. A, double A, and Triple A. Triple A is supposedly indistinguishable from the real. And this is how crazy it is – you go in and they’re all shifty and sh*t and they get you to browse through a fashion magazine for the bag you want. Once you make your selection, they ask what grade you want. If you say Triple A, which is of course what my Chinese Squawking Chicken mother wanted, they pick up the phone and a minute later, this child – literally, a child, like 10 years old! – comes around, eyeballs the photo, and takes off.

It’s bewildering. And then you realise they can’t keep the merchandise in store for legal reasons. So that child has to beat it to some storage truck to pick it up. While we’re waiting my mother starts tapping her watch warning the lady that every minute is another 5 dollars off. My husband and I meanwhile are looking for ear plugs. You don’t know volume until you’ve heard my mother barter with another Chinese woman. It’s madness.

Five minutes later, the kid comes back with the bag. Seriously. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. Until my mother took out her magnifying glass and started inspecting the stitches. She deemed it unworthy of her $40 – forty bucks Canadian – and declared loudly to whoever was in earshot (essentially the entire 5th floor) that she preferred to spend several thousand dollars on the authentic business because her authentic diamonds deserved the best.

Truth be told though… it’s pretty solid stuff. If you’re into that thing – I’m telling you, China is where it’s at. Not Mexico.

As for Britney – no word as to her whereabouts. Some people are saying she’s back in LA, I’ve heard from loose sources it could be Vegas. NOT slamdunk… keep you posted.

Vegas and Britney? And she’s legally single?

Hopefully it’s a bad tip.