In between chandelier shopping and picking up a sweet new Mercedes ride, and hopping in the shower in the middle of a radio interview, Britney Spears is supposed to comply with court ordered random drug testing. A missed test constitutes a FAILED test.

And Britney has reportedly missed 8 out of 14 tests, prompting Team Federline to storm the judge this morning asking to take away her right to see her children, thereby allowing HIM full access and the bank account that comes with it.

Said KFed’s attorney: "Mr. Federline doesn"t want to take these children out of their mother"s life, but what are we to do?" Kaplan said.

Britney’s lawyer argued that the drug testing mandate was “unconstitutional” and that she keeps missing her tests because she keeps changing her phone number – something about the number always getting leaked and her client constantly receiving crank calls. My mother should ring her some time. Give her a good old Chinese Squawking ass kicking.

When the judge deemed that a morning phone and a corresponding pee deposit in a little cup wasn’t too much to ask, Britney’s legal proceeded to sassed the judge right back, claiming that he wouldn’t understand the busy schedule of a celebrity:

"But you"re not a pop star with a No. 1 album to promote."

And apart from one measly interview with Ryan Seacrest, how exactly has she been promoting her album???

The judge has now sent both sides away to sort out a testing schedule on their own. They are expected to reconvene Tuesday.

In the meantime, Chicken Fried Stupid continues to joyride around LA in her new SUV as Us Weekly has just released their new cover with a huge headline calling her “SICK”…which is how her friends are explaining her behaviour.

Sick? No question. But also stubborn and arrogant and selfish. Selfishness isn’t a disease. And that’s the line between current smut and sad smut.