Britney Spears appeared on Kimmel last night and, well, I guess it was a little better than Vegas and Good Morning America, she seemed somewhat more alert than the previous two occasions, but still… almost everything feels like it’s on delay, Chicken Fried slow motion, so obvious that it almost becomes more entertaining watching everyone try not to point out the obvious.

You know what this looks like? You know what she resembles now? She resembles one of those makeover make your dream come true reality shows. Kinda like a Susan Boyle type, living in an ordinary town, in Ordinary, USA.

She might be in her 40s. Her kids are grown, graduating high school. She’s kinda let herself go, her clothes are all outdated, she’s never worn high heels in her life, she doesn’t pluck the hair above her lip, but her cheekbones are strong, and she really does need a pick-me-up, so her neighbour sends in a tape of her and the nice people from the tv, they show up with a beauty team and a trainer, and for the next month, she’s in bootcamp.

And this the final result. A stage performance in front of a live audience.

That’s what Britney has become. She’s the Susan Boyle from Ordinary, USA who had a month to pull it off, and this, for Susan Ordinary Boyle, is the best, best, best she could do, wobbling around up there with her hands on her hips, trying to remember where to go next while trying not to pick the wedge up her ass…

This is what they expect you to spend your money on???

Well, as a matter of fact, yes. Because there are people who WILL, they are, and they are defending it too. Here’s a letter I received from Danny G last week:

You're such a venomous, cunting bitch aren't you?
How on Earth did someone like you get a blog read by people about nothingness?

I stumbled on your stupid "review" of Britney in Vegas, I'm not even a fan of hers, but what an unclassy cunt-whore you sound like.

I shall now un-stumble myself from this pathetic f-cking website you spew on.

Ciao bitch.

I generally don’t like and rarely use the word Cunt. But cunting as an adjective, there’s just something amazing about it, right?


Photos from